Bill Lees

I could't choose between Johnny Seven and Escalado. Does that make me a bad person?

You forgot your white hood.....

So basically, it's foreign then, is it? You can't stand any bloody foreigners. Chuffin hell.

Do you know who is the worst culprit for this? Billy bloody Connolly. The Big Yin himself. Tosser that he is.

I have to agree. I've still not acquired the taste after 23 years in Brum - even though it - or something very like it - was probably good enough for Wullie Shakespeare and his mates.

Hmmmm seems familiar. Didn't I hear the same joke but featuring Danny McGrain sometime recently?

It's not - in the slightest. It's just Bill being "provocative".

Did you ever notice that the "I" in "Fiesta" is shaped like a knob ? And that there was a pub (Baillie's) in Paisley called The Fiesta Lounge? The place that you could guarantee getting served an under-age pint of slops

Computers? No such bloody thing when I were a lad ......

Gaun yirsel' !!

Have you tried sticking your finger in and wiggling it about a bit?

I've always liked that joke......

The Rivaldo : When the ball is kicked towards you by an opposing player and hits on the thigh, fall to the ground clutching your face as if mortally wounded, then watch in satisfaction as the gullible ref red-cards your innocent opponent. The Schumacher : Simply execute a violent assault on an advancing opponent, preventing a goal and enabling your side later to progress to winning a penalty shoot-out in which you play a large part. Chuckle in satisfaction as the ref shows you merely a yellow card.

I don't think TH won anything off Dusty Bin. Unlike with us, when he won the First Division Title. Did somebody say bring him back?

It is shite, but it's oddly compelling shite. I'm just a sucker for nearly any sort of game or quiz show on the idiot box, me. <sigh> We all have our crosses to bear.

Anybody who is "zany". You really want those feckers to turn down a 20 grand deal and end up with 1p.

I've thought of something else. It's the way that all the women members of the audience (and those who are participants) hold their hands cupped over their gobs when they're waiting to see what's in the box. The men don't seem to do it. Why the hell do they do that?

I've got a more powerful sphincter muscle than you.

Nope. I think you'll find that Maxell used the music in their ad several years before Vitalite did.

Butter advert? Take another tablet, Thor - both ads were for Maxell tapes.

What, the big wifie at the end who thanked everybody for watching her little show?

She doesnae look too bad even now : More piccies on her Website

Now sublime, magical stuff.

Irresistible......