Crispian Crunchie

I've been away from Paisley too long. I never even knew the Toby Jug was a gay pub. In fact I never even knew Paisley had any gay pubs.

You may well be a thoroughly vigorous wanker, Dave, but you're not getting anybody to believe that you whacked your tadger off your monitor that hard that you broke it. I'm prepared to believe you dislodged some of the goo, though ........

Hooray - somebody got the joke.

I can confirm that Black Bush is indeed excellent.

Tons and tons of music. Absolutely free. Brilliant. Spotify

They do say that you either love or hate the peaty Islay malts. I'm firmly in the hate camp - it's like drinking feckin' Dettol. Here's my top six: 1. Glenfarclas. 2. Highland Park. 3. Scapa. 4. Clynelish. 5. Aberlour. 6. The Macallan.

Apparently there are also WILFs (Wilkinson shopper I'd Like to f**k).

Susan Sarandon? When did she grow humungous jubblies ?

You mean "yes", don't you ?

1. Farts that produce a visible green gas as a pre-whiff early warning system to others. 2. A third eye located on the end of the index finger for looking into pockets, handbags, etc. 3. Self-cleaning arse-clefts to eliminate Andrex and save the planet. 4. Night-vision eyeballs. 5. Built-in Listerine gland at the roof of the mouth.

1. Jo Frost, Supernanny. 2. Lois Griffin. 3. The Cadbury's Caramel Rabbit. 4. Annabel Goldie. 5. Celia Imrie.

The gampa ??????

Dug around the web and found this wee Chic story :

Hunter's character from Callan was a smelly bugger from Greenock called "Lonely". In the Agnews ads his slogan was "There's always change at Agnews" .

you could always ask some Buddies from Lockerbie .......

You'll have liked "The Pretender" as well, then, I suppose. Similarly morose and deep, but a cracking song.

A fine, gay song, indeed.

Great memories, Billy. Checked your profile and as I suspected from those choices, you're just 2 years older than me. I'd also mention from that era Connell, Pinkerton,Hamilton, Adamson (the three baldy magicians), and of course Jim Blair (no relation).

Somewhere Over The Rainbow by the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. This big chap :

This Place is reputedly very good. Anybody been?

You may be pleased or pissed off to hear that the Al Frash has been tarted up since you visited: Happy to report that the food is just as good, though.

Much better if you pay a reasonable price for swill, I agree.

Hear hear, Chopper. I'd also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the total lack of naked dancing girls on the DVD. You'd think it would have been easy for Stewart Gilmour to rustle up a few. I also think that the fact that the box for the DVD was not made out of solid gold is an absolute disgrace. I'd also normally expect a DVD like this to come with year's supply of viagra, but there was none - what a total disgrace. Sack the board. And the camera blokey. And the naked dancing girls that wurnae there.

That's me just got by watching the disc, and I just wanted to say a big thank you to Allen, Steve and everybody else for doing a fantastic job of producing something that is a hugely fitting tribute to mark the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. Highlights? Leckie's memories of the 4-1 win over Dundee Utd by Fergie's Furies. I was there and it seems like yesterday. Bloody fantastic. North Sea Saint's assertion that going to the game with your old man was just the best thing - he's right. But best of all, the lad that said he just liked going to the game - walking down Love Street, meeting your mates, the whole shebang - just as good when you're seeing us draw 0-0 with Stranraer as when we're stuffing it right up the Blue Bigots. I cannae disagree with that one bit. Oh, and being reminded about the funny way Griff speaks - even though the boy talked a lot of sense. Brilliant, brilliant stuff. I'll be giving it another spin soon.