elvira

Why the Internet Is Like a P*nis ------------------------------------------- Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it. Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but that makes it difficult to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time. It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before. It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late. It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

Q: Can you believe they've been together after all that sh*t? A: Who? ..................... YOUR BUM CHEEKS.

The Shawshank quotes............nice mate...............I adore that film...........

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway, to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play:: "Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him." "Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him." "I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him." Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?" So Arnold says ...... "I'll be Bach."

Little Nancy was in the garden filling a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there Nancy"? "My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it"? Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your f*ckin' cat."

I will apologise in advance................... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday". Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger,his dad is Mick Jagger and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure. I have this and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Pattie explains she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "there's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says.... "It's a knickknack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan.His old man's a Rolling Stone". Oh dear!

1. American Pie - Finch: God bless the Internet. 2. Breakfast Club - Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns. 3. Ferris Buller - Ed Roonie: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind. 4. Lost Boys - David: How are those maggots? Michael Emerson: Huh? David: Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste? 5. Life of Brian - Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.

Nice to see some women in there! Goan yerself!

Thats so nice that you can remember at least five HSS! If you actually ever had that many! Nice to see u avoiding the pub!

Hooooow Old firmesque!

1. Bill Lees pants (full of it allegedly!) 2. Aye right! thats me oh and maybe the word 'exclusive' cos that means 'sh*te' on here (so i've heard!)

It must have been a long time ago..... first released in 1954, just slightly older than you! How's yer white wrinkly bits?

Why in the name of.......... lets just say Beckham were you still posting into the very (early/late depending on anyones bodyclock!) this morning Sidney?!!!

It has been said I have alot of balls (yes I just can help mentioning it!) but I can assure you I am all woman And after all those times I have stuck up fer you Sidney!!!! I am apalled at you!!!! ..... Don't know anything of Seph's sexuality though.... (nae offence meant!)

I think you may be right there Ruggsy boy...... Do you think we may actually witness our first case of 'Posting Rage', where upon realising that HH may try to claim his £30 of drink..... HSS trips over his shoelaces and tears of his shoes (a la hulk) in a rage trying to escape.......... Account Hijacking.............. We are witnessing a hilarious phenomenon! You have my word on that.

Either I've logged into some alternate forum, that exists in some faraway universe..... Thirty quids worth of drink??!!!! Or yer accounts been hijacked again squire! You have my word on that.