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Bill Lees

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You know the drill - you just have to see one and you immediately think "wanker". To help you, they're usually being driven in a wanker-like fashion by a prize wanker (baseball cap optional). Having a wank as he drives. With the word "Wanker" tatooed on his head. And a big "Wanker" medallion. Did I mention the driver's a wanker ?

1. The BMW XS 4 wheel drive.

2. The Mercedes Gawd knows whit L (big 4 wheel drive fecker, always in metallic silver - I don't think it comes in any other colour)

3. The Subaru Impreza (without fail).

4. Absolutely any model of Porsche.

5. The Ford Fiesta (Chav model only).

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1. Fiat Multipla. Driving one of these should be an offence under the road traffic act.

2. Humvee. What the fúck is THAT all about?

3. Anything towing a caravan.

4. Anything with blue lights on it. Well, obviously apart from the fire brigade, ambulance and polis. Evening ossifer. :D

5. Anything in front of me...

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The latest ever increasing danger on the roads is young-ish female ladette types. They mainly appear in the following:

VW Golf's - generally worst offenders

VW Polo's - as above only more anger and less attitude, probably 'cos their arrogant ladette friend has a golf

BMW Mini - Mirrors are clearly a fashion item as are the indicators

Renault Clio - the favourite of the drugged up ladette

Peugeot 30* - usually a fat angry ladette

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1 Driving any BMW is evidence of an imagination bypass and sheep like tendencies

2 When I were a lad the ultimate wanker mobile was the Ford XR3

3 Anyone who feels the need to tranport their weans in a 4x4 that's bigger than many Second world war tanks.

4 Modified Vauxhall Corsas

5 Mitsibushi GT 3000 the ultimate medallion man motor

The Mercedes you refer to Bill is the M-Class. American built. As we all know Americans can't build cars or make beer.

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Madam Ching, there's a future for you in the Astrology game or perhaps as a Medium. McB could be your familiar from the "other side". I've heard he's an Extra Large these days.


Whadya mean- "these days"? :lol:

Anyhoo how could these cars have missed a mention?

1. Austin allegro

2. Volvo SUV

3. Any SUV used to take young Cameron and Callista to Hutchie

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In no particular order:

1. Any "supercar". Totally impractical & makes you look like a complete berk with a small, or indeed no, penis. :mellow:

2. Anything in LHD. You are gonnae get royally pointed & laughed at going across toll bridges or going through a 'drive thru'. lolpoint.gif

3. Any Chevrolet. They're either shitty yank tanks or rebadged Daewoos. Both utter pish. :whistle

4. Mitsubishi Evo/Nissan Skyline/Subaru Impreza. Makes you look like a complete berk who plays Gran Turismo games too much. :nerdy

5. Overly modified small hatchbacks of any kind. Normally driven by one of the Burberry brigade with a thumping great stereo. You'll no fit a good bit of MDF in one o' them. :spud5

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