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Most Embarassing Situations


jimdickloyal

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I shagged a clatty cow in johnstone castle, her wee boy was roaring and greetin so she just went and got him from the other room and put him on the bed beside us, and we were going at it that hard he bounced off the bed and on to the floor.

Disgusting really I know, but a standing prick has no conscience :rolleyes:

Was that you? :lol::lol:

funny to put a name to a face :lol:

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I once spent a couple of gruelling days refurbishing an old victorian pannelled door, with new mouldings, locks, refinish etc., On completion, and standing back to admire my work, the door blew shut, locking me out. So I had to boot it in, wrecking it in the process................Lucky white heather..........

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I once spent a couple of gruelling days refurbishing an old victorian pannelled door, with new mouldings, locks, refinish etc., On completion, and standing back to admire my work, the door blew shut, locking me out. So I had to boot it in, wrecking it in the process................Lucky white heather..........

The windae widnae have been easier or wis it up a tenement or what...?

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I was in Tenereffe in 2001 with a mate. Went out one night, pulled this stinking scouse burd, anyhoo, ended up down on a beach in the middle of the night getting jiggy with the stinker. Some fanny stole my jeans, wallet, bank cards, room key and my bastard shoes.

That was a horrible walk home....

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And they say Romance is dead... :rolleyes:

:)

I would love to say that it was like the scene in "From Here to Eternity", but it was about as far towards the other end of the romance spectrum as you can get.

I was meant to be there with my then GF (an aberdeen fan BTW) and I thought we would be moving in together and doing the love thing. She chucked me by answerphone about three weeks before the holiday. One of my buddies from the camp came with me, and we had a facking riot.

Holls, if it was you, please may I have my stuff back?

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Was once invited to a corporate golf day near London.

Arrived early at nice posh club. Sat down and was chatting when waitress came up and asked what I would like for breakfast.

"Bacon roll please"

She stiffened and for the benefit of everyone that was there in loud voice

"Excuse me sir, but this is a Jewish club and we do not serve bacon here"

Me, stunned with no idea and a true brass neck couldn't think of an alternative.

"Erm..... doesn't matter then"

Funny, everyone else found something needing cleaned on their shoes just then.

Ouch. :blink:

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Was once invited to a corporate golf day near London.

Arrived early at nice posh club. Sat down and was chatting when waitress came up and asked what I would like for breakfast.

"Bacon roll please"

She stiffened and for the benefit of everyone that was there in loud voice

"Excuse me sir, but this is a Jewish club and we do not serve bacon here"

Me, stunned with no idea and a true brass neck couldn't think of an alternative.

"Erm..... doesn't matter then"

Funny, everyone else found something needing cleaned on their shoes just then.

Ouch. :blink:

On a similar note, years ago in Safeway, one of the part timers was told to fill an end display with promotional stuff for passover (or whatever it's called). All Jewish kosher food like Matzo crackers and stuff. Anyway, he had completed the display, but didn't have anything for the bottom shelf, so he asked the gaffer what to do. Gaffer replied that he should just find some other promotional item and fill the shelf with that.

He promptly filled the gap with tins of chopped pork. :lol:

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