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Guest saint hits the net

Town Crazies

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Guest saint hits the net

When I think of the people who have lived locally over the years, my area has had a large proportion of nutters/ loonies/ eccentrics/ unforunates - call them what you will. Here are five locals whose behaviour was strange to say the least. All true - none of it made up.

1: Popeye: Wore a heavy coat, fur hat and used to shout out made up Russian words. He believed he was from the Easten Bloc and his favourite trick was to jump out and squirt a water pistol in your face.

2: The Dummy: I felt sorry for this guy who was deaf and dumb. All he ever did was collect Ginger Bottles from dawn to dusk. The local women hated him as he would always point down to his tadger and wave his fist at them in a thrusting movement.

3:Willie Gunner: Always chanting - he'd walk up and down the top floor of a bus and start a sing song and slap folk on the shoulder if they didn't join in.

4:Maggie Toosh: Clatty, smelly old woman who wore the same ripped tights for years (eh - I have it on good authority they were the same !). She had a three 'O' clock walk and a fag hangin out of her mouth and would usually shout "yees are aw F**kin wee B***tards. Can't remember her saying much else.

5: Josey: Just walked around with a pretend microphone and did racing commentaries. he was a sort of 24/7 Peter 'O' Sullivan.

And that concludes the introduction of my family. :D Seriouly, none of those characters are made up.

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1. What? No mention for Cuthbert? Wandered about Paisley wearing a sou-wester and carrying a walking stick. Only the daring got too close to him. My maw insists he was some kind of genious but he burnt his brain out with all that cleverness...

2. Wee Dougie. Wee bandy bloke used to sell papers at the top of New Street. His stories were legendary. His son, Zeke, was equally wee and bandy and told equally bizarre stories...

3. The Cardonas (joint award). Not exactly mad, but nutters if you know what I mean. Ehm and very nice blokes too if any of them are reading this. :lol:

Canny think of any more...

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Guest saint hits the net

I've never lived in the Paisley area, Reidy, so I don't know who Cuthbert is. I do know "wee" Dougie, though.

Edited by saint hits the net

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2. Wee Dougie. Wee bandy bloke used to sell papers at the top of New Street. His stories were legendary. His son, Zeke, was equally wee and bandy and told equally bizarre stories...

Wee Dougie had an equally wee wife and 3 or 4 equally weee children,one of whom was Zak-not Zeke.This is not a wind up but Dougies family used to play the Dwarffs when Snowwhite was the Christmas panto in the Kings/Pavillion.

SHTN,I consider myself a knowledge on our town/people.I have not heard of any of the individuals you mentioned.

PS.It was the top of Moss St that Dougie had his stall.

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Guest saint hits the net

SHTN,I consider myself a knowledge on our town/people.I have not heard of any of the individuals you mentioned.

That's because they live in my area, HSS - something I pointed out in my original post. I've since explained to Reidy that I have never lived in the Paisley area and therefore do not know most of the characters he mentioned - just as I don't expect you to be familiar with the folk I've described. I was just interested to hear what type of characters inhabit various towns as I realise not everyone on this forum lives in Paisley. The people mentioned by me Do/Did exist in the Stevenston/Saltcoats area of North Ayrshire.

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Then there was Big Ian, the 35 stone newsvendor who used to sell outside Burton's at the Cross. Not strictly a crazy, but I always got the impression he wasn't exactly playing with a full deck.

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Forgotten the name of the old guy - but when I was at school he used to walk up and down Beith Road in Johnstone scratching the back of his head the hard way. Probably a genuine neuron disorder but both alarming and amusing at the time.

It seems that there are now less of these characters in spite of the care in the community propoganda.

I was once doing a job at Merchiston Hospital amd the nurse locked us in the observatio room where they play the music and watch the poor souls go about their business. Honest to f'k, there were a couple of window biters over the minute the nurses back was turned. Fastest bit of floor laying you've ever seen. The nurses and assistants that work there deserve all the money they get. It was a real eye opener and did the digestive system some good too :blink:

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Guest SWLNG
Then there was Big Ian, the 35 stone newsvendor who used to sell outside Burton's at the Cross.  Not strictly a crazy, but I always got the impression he wasn't exactly playing with a full deck.

I once saw that guy sitting in a car eating a fish supper,with another one,still wrapped,on the dashboard waiting to be devoured. :huh:

There was another strange wee man who used to sell the papers near the old post office building.I think his name was Matthew something.

Newspaper vending seems to a magnet for crazies.

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Guest saint hits the net

Talking of guys with huge appetites, a local chap who was seriously overweight (by at least 15 stone) made no secret of the fact that he used to eat two big softie salad rolls before doing his weekly shopping as the temptation to eat when inside the supermarket would've proved too much for him !

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Reidy are you sure Cuthbert wore a sou-wester? I always thought it was a pith helmet. You also neglected to inform that he used to hit himself on the head with his walking stick.

And legend has it that the guy was a genius, was from a very well-to-do family and that his brain did indeed get frazzled due to too much thinking. They used to send him out in the morning and he would wander around town all day then go home at night. An existence as futile as Falkirk winning the league. :rolleyes:

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Guest Midnight Moses
Forgotten the name of the old guy - but when I was at school he used to walk up and down Beith Road in Johnstone scratching the back of his head the hard way. Probably a genuine neuron disorder but both alarming and amusing at the time

Jeez the memories come flooding back :huh:

I remember watching that loony from classrooms up on the high school, he used to wave his fists at passing cars and shout "fech off" it was all very funny until he started waking down the beith road when the school came out :blink:

From a few years earlier (primary school) do you remember the old jakey/tramp who used to buy the belair shampoo from Semple's shop and then sleep it off in the shelter at the bottom of tower road? The name Jock McGhee rings a bell.

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Reidy are you sure Cuthbert wore a sou-wester? I always thought it was a pith helmet. You also neglected to inform that he used to hit himself on the head with his walking stick.

And legend has it that the guy was a genius, was from a very well-to-do family and that his brain did indeed get frazzled due to too much thinking. They used to send him out in the morning and he would wander around town all day then go home at night. An existence as futile as Falkirk winning the league. :rolleyes:

The hitting on the head with the walking stick was this guys calling card - I know exactly who you mean now - that's going way back :huh:

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That's because they live in my area, HSS - something I pointed out in my original post.

Sorry mate,didn't read it right.I will ask my saltcoats workmates about your local loonys.

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From a few years earlier (primary school) do you remember the old jakey/tramp who used to buy the belair shampoo from Semple's shop and then sleep it off in the shelter at the bottom of tower road? The name Jock McGhee rings a bell.

Jock McGhee, f'k'n hell that just opened up a flood of memories - I'd forgotten all about him. ^_^

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Reidy are you sure Cuthbert wore a sou-wester? I always thought it was a pith helmet. You also neglected to inform that he used to hit himself on the head with his walking stick.

He wore a sou' wester,yellow.Not only did he hit himself with the walking stick but would take swipes at you when you ripped the pish out of him.(Not that I ever done that :rolleyes: )

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Cuthbert definitely wore a souwester most of the time, akthough he did have various other items of eccentric headgear, apparently. I never saw him wear a pith helmet.

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Jock McGhee, f'k'n hell that just opened up a flood of memories - I'd forgotten all about him. ^_^

And for me. Long time since I lived in Johnstone.

Remember him getting lifted one morning just outside our house. I must have been about 9 or 10 - made a big impression. Then, reading not long afterwards, about one of his trials in the PDE or Johnstone Advertiser. 127 previous convictions sticks in my mind for some reason.

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Cuthbert definitely wore a souwester most of the time, akthough he did have various other items of eccentric headgear, apparently. I never saw him wear a pith helmet.

Burberry Cap??? :ph34r:

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did Cuthbert not get knocked down and killed by an ice cream van?

He got reversed over by a Tally van down at the Renfrew ferry.Was the ice cream place called Izzis?

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