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Top 5 Things To Do When You're Dead


Crispian Crunchie

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1. Haunt traffic wardens

2. Instigate very bad trips for gr'n'k junkies

3. Move the ball slightly off the penalty spot whenever the opposition is gifted a penalty by some SFA c"nt for no good reason - also should €ngland get a penalty shoot out anywhere near the WC Finals

4. Possess the bodies of the chairpersons of the OF supporters associations and spread a message of peace and love demanding that the OF is disbanded for offences against common decency

5. Come back as Michelle Marsh's dildo that hits the g-spot so many times a day... :P

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1. Lie down.

2. Lie down.

3. Lie down.

4. Lie down.

5. Lie down.

Far too blinkered and one dimensional.

1. Think positive.

2. Stop praying.

3. Stop swimming or running. (You drowned or it/they got you)

4. Ignore any bit that feels itchy, if possible.

5. Take a DEEP BREATH.

Nice and practical. You'll go far. :)

1. Apologise

2. Say it won't happen again

3. Tell her you love her

4. Blame someone else

5. Hide

Oh dear. Been a naughty boy, have we?

1. Haunt traffic wardens

2. Instigate very bad trips for gr'n'k junkies

3. Move the ball slightly off the penalty spot whenever the opposition is gifted a penalty by some SFA c"nt for no good reason - also should €ngland get a penalty shoot out anywhere near the WC Finals

4. Possess the bodies of the chairpersons of the OF supporters associations and spread a message of peace and love demanding that the OF is disbanded for offences against common decency

5. Come back as Michelle Marsh's dildo that hits the g-spot so many times a day... :P

Imagination & filth. Quite characteristic Sidney. :D

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I merely ask since if a ghost loses the ability to become sexually stimulated, in might not be worth hanging around netball teams' dressing rooms after all. What a depressing thought.

Aesthetics still count.

They tell me that when you get old that 'abilities' may dwindle or be lost.

It wouldn't stop me hanging around 'invisibly'.... :)

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Well, if we're going to pre-suppose the existence of a ghostly presence that survives death, then I'd add hanging around the dressing rooms of netball teams. Mind you, can a ghost get a stiffie? :huh:

Well, I was actually just alluding to the fact that if you're blown to smithereens by a suicide bomber it may actually be a wee bit difficult to lie down if your body parts are all over the shop, suicide bombing being, of course, what those of us who believe in an afterlife indulge in.

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Well, I was actually just alluding to the fact that if you're blown to smithereens by a suicide bomber it may actually be a wee bit difficult to lie down if your body parts are all over the shop, suicide bombing being, of course, what those of us who believe in an afterlife indulge in.

See your point. A bit like the problem of the sludgy gooey mess there's going to be everywhere when the dead rise from their graves at the Last Trump. :rolleyes:

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Don't think it'll be a gooey mess, more like the world's biggest xylophone attempt.

Dem bones, dem bones, dem DRY bones.

By some stunningly weird coincidence I was flicking through radio stations last night and lo & be-feckin'-hold happened across that very song! I don't think I've EVER heard it on the radio, and I certainly ain't heard it anywhere in years. :blink:

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

1. Wait for the gas released from a meteor to reanimate you

2. Maraud for flesh and/or brains with the rest of the undead

3. Mass in groups around shopping centres/military installations/run down shacks

4. Try not to re-die

5. Eat the hero

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1. Wait for the gas released from a meteor to reanimate you

2. Maraud for flesh and/or brains with the rest of the undead

3. Mass in groups around shopping centres/military installations/run down shacks

4. Try not to re-die

5. Eat the hero

*riiiiiiinnng*riiiiiiiing*

Hello, Mr. Romero....?

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