gudmunder Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 1.Remember, a pat on the back is just a few inches from a kick up the arse. 2.My wife follows me everywhere, it's either that or having to kiss her goodbye. 3.This burd kept saying she was the double of Kate Moss, yep Kate is 8 stone, while she's 16. 4.Some women have a weight problem, they can't wait to eat. 5.No-one is fat....they're anorexically challenged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 1.Remember, a pat on the back is just a few inches from a kick up the arse.2.My wife follows me everywhere, it's either that or having to kiss her goodbye. 3.This burd kept saying she was the double of Kate Moss, yep Kate is 8 stone, while she's 16. 4.Some women have a weight problem, they can't wait to eat. 5.No-one is fat....they're anorexically challenged. That reminds me, there's a Programme on tonight about Chic Murray. Need to watch it. Chic was very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howard Hughes in BlueSuedeShoes Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 That reminds me, there's a Programme on tonight about Chic Murray.Need to watch it. Chic was very funny. 1. I was walking down the street. You know the way you do; one foot in front of the other. 2. I bumped into a friend of mine. I knew he was a friend as I'd seen him before and he told me. 3. "Oh", he said, "it's you". Well, I couldn't deny that. 4. She opened the door in her nightdress and I thought, "That's a strange place to have a door". 5. I was lying on my back when a passer-by asked if I'd fallen. I said, "No I'm trying to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crispian Crunchie Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Dug around the web and found this wee Chic story : Chic had gone to the doctor who diagnosed a very rare illness that could only be cured if the patient drank a quantity of fresh mother’s milk. When he got home he asked his mother, but she told him not to be daft. However the girl upstairs had just given birth to a wee boy and his mother told him that as her husband was away at sea at the moment he could to go up and ask her nicely and see if she would give him some. The girl was just about to go to bed when he arrived but agreed to his request and with a mischievous smile, invited Chic through to her boudoir. She told him that he couldn’t get it any fresher as she presented her left breast to his lips. He felt a bit awkward but after all he was only following doctor’s orders. Persevering with his medication, he was unaware of the soft moans emitting from his benefactor. She gently pulled his head away from her breast and looked at him and murmured, “Is there anything else I could offer you.” Overwhelmed by her generosity he wiped his lips and shyly said, “Well a wee Abernathy biscuit would be very nice.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Sanchez Posted January 15, 2009 Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 There was a decent put down by the otherwise fairly annoying Kathy Griffin during CNN's live coverage of the Times Square new year celebrations. She's being heckled by a drunk in the crowd,while she's trying to work,and this 46 second clip features her very non CNN-like response. Live on TV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howard Hughes in BlueSuedeShoes Posted January 15, 2009 Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 Cannae access that, big fella. Give us the gen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Sanchez Posted January 15, 2009 Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 She shouts down to the heckler 'Shut up,I'm working here. I don't come to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth'. Cue commercial break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E=Mc2 Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Someone shouted at Aussie Shane Warne, "How come you're so F*****g fat?" Reply was.............. "Every time I f**k yer missus she gives me a chocolate biscuit." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howard Hughes in BlueSuedeShoes Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) Someone shouted at Aussie Shane Warne,"How come you're so F*****g fat?" Reply was.............. "Every time I f**k yer missus she gives me a chocolate biscuit." Remember Merv Hughes? He was another in a long line of "hefty" Australian sporting heroes and way back in the day played in a test series against Pakistan. Javed Miandad had slagged off Hughes and called him a "fat bus conductor". As Merv the Swerve bowled him out he ran past and quipped "Tickets please!" To me, that's a fúcking beauty. Edited January 16, 2009 by Howard Hughes in BlueSuedeShoes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leedssaints1 Posted January 17, 2009 Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 She shouts down to the heckler 'Shut up,I'm working here. I don't come to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth'.Cue commercial break. Quality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdickloyal Posted January 18, 2009 Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Personally I like "Your a wankers hankie" and "away you and play with yourself" There - thats my contribution Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickeyramone Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 I like the one Big Buff Martin said to Mark Hately when Buff had him in his back pocket..along the lines of Hatley "I,ve got a Merc and a Porche in my drive what have you got?" Buff...."3 ton o red chips...but your still shite"..something along those lines anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon templar Posted February 13, 2009 Report Share Posted February 13, 2009 Is it not surely this one...? As used by our very own Big Fras...? Souness shouted:"I'll f**king see you at Ibrox, Abercromby !" Billy laughed at him and said "I don't see anyone holding you back !" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bud wiser Posted February 15, 2009 Report Share Posted February 15, 2009 I was once removing my drunken and notoriously feeble mate from a heated situation in The Institute. Unbeknown to him the guy he had just drunkenly stoated into was a bit tasty at the boxing and would have reduced him to blood and teeth fragments in miliseconds. As he questioned my logic for trying to defuse the situation I told him that I just didn't fancy seeing my mate getting the shit kicked out of him, to which the drunken fud replied sincerely "How? Do you know that c@nt??" F'kin magic!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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