davidg Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 How does it go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcd54 Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 How does it go? Aw naw! Fuk off Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squigglebob Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 Aw naw! Fuk off Bill Aww please... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenw05 Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 The teacher turns to her Primary 1 class on a Monday morning. "Well, class, did you all have a nice weekend?" A room full of solemn faces nods back at her. "Did anyone see anything interesting over the weekend?" The faces now just look blank. "No-one?" Now wee Susie puts her hand up tentatively. "Yes Susie?" says the teacher encouragingly. "Well, I saw a wee dug in the park, chasin' a stick, after it's owner threw it fur him", said Susie. "Good", said the teacher, smiling brightly. "Anyone else?". Now they're getting bolder. Wee Jimmy down the front sticks his hand up. "Yes Jimmy". "Miss, miss, I saw a big Alsatian dug, chasin' a baw. It's owner kept chuckin' the baw, an' the big Alsatian kept runnin after it, it was pure brilliant, so it wis". "Excellent Jimmy", said the teacher. As Jimmy had been speaking, wee Shug down the front had started bouncing in his seat. Now it was his turn. "Miss, miss, miss, ah saw a coconut dug, so ah did!" "A coconut dog, Shug?" said the teacher, frowning. "I don't think so. There's no such thing". "Aye ah did, Miss, ah did so". "Now, Shug" said the teacher, "you know it's wrong to lie." Wee Shug was black affronted by this. "Ah did see a coconut dug Miss. It went past us in the park, an' ma maw said "Christ, look at the cock on 'at dug!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
St. Sid Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) The teacher turns to her Primary 1 class on a Monday morning. "Well, class, did you all have a nice weekend?" A room full of solemn faces nods back at her. "Did anyone see anything interesting over the weekend?" The faces now just look blank. "No-one?" Now wee Susie puts her hand up tentatively. "Yes Susie?" says the teacher encouragingly. "Well, I saw a wee dug in the park, chasin' a stick, after it's owner threw it fur him", said Susie. "Good", said the teacher, smiling brightly. "Anyone else?". Now they're getting bolder. Wee Jimmy down the front sticks his hand up. "Yes Jimmy". "Miss, miss, I saw a big Alsatian dug, chasin' a baw. It's owner kept chuckin' the baw, an' the big Alsatian kept runnin after it, it was pure brilliant, so it wis". "Excellent Jimmy", said the teacher. As Jimmy had been speaking, wee Shug down the front had started bouncing in his seat. Now it was his turn. "Miss, miss, miss, ah saw a coconut dug, so ah did!" "A coconut dog, Shug?" said the teacher, frowning. "I don't think so. There's no such thing". "Aye ah did, Miss, ah did so". "Now, Shug" said the teacher, "you know it's wrong to lie." Wee Shug was black affronted by this. "Ah did see a coconut dug Miss. It went past us in the park, an' ma maw said "Christ, look at the cock on 'at dug!!!" Get this blatantly racist joke deleted!!! Edited May 15, 2011 by St. Sid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirit of 77 Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' The plane took off, and once it had levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search'. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm. The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land. 'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man. Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.' 'I like it !' said his seat mate.. The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?' The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintnextlifetime Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 The teacher turns to her Primary 1 class on a Monday morning. "Well, class, did you all have a nice weekend?" A room full of solemn faces nods back at her. "Did anyone see anything interesting over the weekend?" The faces now just look blank. "No-one?" Now wee Susie puts her hand up tentatively. "Yes Susie?" says the teacher encouragingly. "Well, I saw a wee dug in the park, chasin' a stick, after it's owner threw it fur him", said Susie. "Good", said the teacher, smiling brightly. "Anyone else?". Now they're getting bolder. Wee Jimmy down the front sticks his hand up. "Yes Jimmy". "Miss, miss, I saw a big Alsatian dug, chasin' a baw. It's owner kept chuckin' the baw, an' the big Alsatian kept runnin after it, it was pure brilliant, so it wis". "Excellent Jimmy", said the teacher. As Jimmy had been speaking, wee Shug down the front had started bouncing in his seat. Now it was his turn. "Miss, miss, miss, ah saw a coconut dug, so ah did!" "A coconut dog, Shug?" said the teacher, frowning. "I don't think so. There's no such thing". "Aye ah did, Miss, ah did so". "Now, Shug" said the teacher, "you know it's wrong to lie." Wee Shug was black affronted by this. "Ah did see a coconut dug Miss. It went past us in the park, an' ma maw said "Christ, look at the cock on 'at dug!!!" Well , that is one version . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Barlow Loyal Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 The teacher turns to her Primary 1 class on a Monday morning. "Well, class, did you all have a nice weekend?" A room full of solemn faces nods back at her. "Did anyone see anything interesting over the weekend?" The faces now just look blank. "No-one?" Now wee Susie puts her hand up tentatively. "Yes Susie?" says the teacher encouragingly. "Well, I saw a wee dug in the park, chasin' a stick, after it's owner threw it fur him", said Susie. "Good", said the teacher, smiling brightly. "Anyone else?". Now they're getting bolder. Wee Jimmy down the front sticks his hand up. "Yes Jimmy". "Miss, miss, I saw a big Alsatian dug, chasin' a baw. It's owner kept chuckin' the baw, an' the big Alsatian kept runnin after it, it was pure brilliant, so it wis". "Excellent Jimmy", said the teacher. As Jimmy had been speaking, wee Shug down the front had started bouncing in his seat. Now it was his turn. "Miss, miss, miss, ah saw a coconut dug, so ah did!" "A coconut dog, Shug?" said the teacher, frowning. "I don't think so. There's no such thing". "Aye ah did, Miss, ah did so". "Now, Shug" said the teacher, "you know it's wrong to lie." Wee Shug was black affronted by this. "Ah did see a coconut dug Miss. It went past us in the park, an' ma maw said "Christ, look at the cock on 'at dug!!!" Never heard that before! I presumed that it would be something stupid like its name was Bounty or Bound-Tae, something daft. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Barlow Loyal Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 Well , that is one version . . Go on, tell us another version! I can see you're gagging to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howard Hughes in BlueSuedeShoes Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 The teacher turns to her Primary 1 class on a Monday morning. "Well, class, did you all have a nice weekend?" A room full of solemn faces nods back at her. "Did anyone see anything interesting over the weekend?" The faces now just look blank. "No-one?" Now wee Susie puts her hand up tentatively. "Yes Susie?" says the teacher encouragingly. "Well, I saw a wee dug in the park, chasin' a stick, after it's owner threw it fur him", said Susie. "Good", said the teacher, smiling brightly. "Anyone else?". Now they're getting bolder. Wee Jimmy down the front sticks his hand up. "Yes Jimmy". "Miss, miss, I saw a big Alsatian dug, chasin' a baw. It's owner kept chuckin' the baw, an' the big Alsatian kept runnin after it, it was pure brilliant, so it wis". "Excellent Jimmy", said the teacher. As Jimmy had been speaking, wee Shug down the front had started bouncing in his seat. Now it was his turn. "Miss, miss, miss, ah saw a coconut dug, so ah did!" "A coconut dog, Shug?" said the teacher, frowning. "I don't think so. There's no such thing". "Aye ah did, Miss, ah did so". "Now, Shug" said the teacher, "you know it's wrong to lie." Wee Shug was black affronted by this. "Ah did see a coconut dug Miss. It went past us in the park, an' ma maw said "Christ, look at the cock on 'at dug!!!" Worst joke in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintnextlifetime Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Go on, tell us another version! I can see you're gagging to! To be honest ,the punch line is exactly the same. It isn't that funny when you have heard it/read it on here so many times . . However , there was a time. . Edited May 16, 2011 by saintnextlifetime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Barlow Loyal Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 To be honest ,the punch line is exactly the same. It isn't that funny when you have heard it/read it on here some many times . . However , there was a time. . And I missed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintnextlifetime Posted May 16, 2011 Report Share Posted May 16, 2011 And I missed it. No bother , you could always start this years thread on "white dug shite" . There usually is one. I'd maybe give it a few days or week tho', before starting it , by that time the "coconut dug joke " thread , will have ran its course. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluto Posted May 17, 2011 Report Share Posted May 17, 2011 I quite enjoyed that version - mibbe just due to its freshness - but on consideration the 'petshop/birthday' version is preferable... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmer john Posted September 20, 2013 Report Share Posted September 20, 2013 where is the original version? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted September 20, 2013 Report Share Posted September 20, 2013 Brilliant! Now I know why so many people on here are obsessed with you Tracy and fancy you like mad Oh dear, talking to yourself........................if any proof were needed you're a madman, and a stooped one at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted September 20, 2013 Report Share Posted September 20, 2013 (edited) Following me all around the forum again I see... What's the matter, did "Tracy" turn you down as well as me? Irony alert........................medication needing increased? Really, shouldn't you be in your strait jacket and locked up for the night? Care in the community, not working. Edited September 20, 2013 by faraway saint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted June 1, 2014 Report Share Posted June 1, 2014 Eh ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irate-Pirate Posted May 20, 2016 Report Share Posted May 20, 2016 Isn't it time for this classic again?! Whatever happened to Bill Lees anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stlucifer Posted May 21, 2016 Report Share Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) Or this? Edited May 21, 2016 by stlucifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murray street Posted May 22, 2016 Report Share Posted May 22, 2016 Posting this kind of pish deservers another Cùnty the cùnty badger outing............ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BaldyOzBud Posted May 22, 2016 Report Share Posted May 22, 2016 Awwww, it's at times like these ( the off season ) that we all need to reconnect with our inner badger. Mythical Deity bless you Cunty the Badger, and your whimsical cuntiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmer Johnny Rocks Posted November 17, 2021 Report Share Posted November 17, 2021 ANy further progress on the coconut dug joke? Has it improved any? Still doesn't work quite right in my accent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted November 18, 2021 Report Share Posted November 18, 2021 ANy further progress on the coconut dug joke? Has it improved any? Still doesn't work quite right in my accent.We ken, ya cant [emoji14] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.