thepaisleypanda Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks it into the trolley "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, only £10 for 12 cans", he says "Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping... A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says the man replies... "SO DOES 12 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F*%KING PRICE" Animated too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Street Central Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 Poor Bob...Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How yaw doing?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no, " says Bob. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Gees Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sandman Posted April 25, 2010 Report Share Posted April 25, 2010 A husband asked his wife if they could do something a bit different in the bedroom by playing a out a rape scenario........... She came back with a resounding 'no'................. 'That's the spirt dear', he replied...................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluto Posted March 8, 2014 Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 From the US... A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damned auto-correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oaksoft Posted March 8, 2014 Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) From the US... A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damned auto-correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife". It's very much of joke of our times. Not bad for a man still living in the 19th century . Edited March 8, 2014 by oaksoft Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BaldyOzBud Posted March 8, 2014 Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Two KP peanuts were walking down the street... one was assaulted.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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