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Top Five Longest Turds

Bill Lees

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Guest Midnight Moses

A guy walks into an opticians shop with a violin case under his arm, he goes up to the opticians desk and sets the violin case down. "Can I help you?" asks the optician."Yes I'm having a wee problem" says the guy opening the violin case to reveal....... a jobby the girth of a man's forearm and at least three feet long, coiled carefully inside the case.

The optician jumps up sending his chair flying back against the wall of his office, "That's feching disgusting, you filthy,minging, perverted, soapdodging bassa. It's not an optician you need it's a feching psychiatrist. Now get the fech out of my office before I call the police".

The guy, leaning over the opticians desk and in obvious distress pleads "No No you don't understand, every time I do one of these............my eyes water!" :ph34r:

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