faraway saint Posted November 9, 2021 Report Share Posted November 9, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted November 10, 2021 Report Share Posted November 10, 2021 Why did the penguin make a fish pun?Just for the halibut. [emoji1787] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSS Posted November 10, 2021 Report Share Posted November 10, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted November 17, 2021 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2021 Elsie McSelfie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted November 18, 2021 Report Share Posted November 18, 2021 How does a penguin make pancakes?With its flippers. [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSS Posted November 18, 2021 Report Share Posted November 18, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted November 19, 2021 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted November 20, 2021 Report Share Posted November 20, 2021 How does a Penguin build its house?Igloos it together [emoji1787]Conor McCarthy just used my joke. [emoji1787] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddieinEK Posted November 20, 2021 Report Share Posted November 20, 2021 Was awful first time around! [emoji23][emoji23][emoji12]Fun TV tho. [emoji122][emoji122][emoji122] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted November 24, 2021 Report Share Posted November 24, 2021 C'mon Noddy................................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted November 28, 2021 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted November 28, 2021 Report Share Posted November 28, 2021 Most of these ring a bell.................... Your face is tripping you - You look miserable I'll skelp your lug! - a threat of physical violence targeted directly at the ear, often as punishment for a more minor misdemeanour. I'll give you something to greet about - a subtle threat of violence if you're continuing to whine or cry about something your parents deem to be over and/or not that bad. Ye cannae teach yer Granny tae suck eggs – been there, done that. Gonne see a man about a dug - I'm going out and it's none of your business where. Do you think I button up the back? - I'm not stupid Don't talk mince - Don't talk rubbish Where you born in a park/field/bar? -shut the door, I'm, freezing. Don't come running to me - when you've been pre-warned not to do something but you just keep doing it anyway. It's like Blackpool Illuminations in here - Turn off the lights. The big light - the main source of lighting in your livingroom that, inexplicably, no one uses. Running about like a blue a***d fly - I've had a busy day. Geein' me the boke - makes me feel sick Heids up ma arse - No clue what I'm doing at this point. Yer bum’s oot the windae/Yer arse is parsley – You are full of it. What a chancer! - in reference to someone chancing their luck. They couldny run a bath - someone who is useless. And what did your last slave die of? - said by every mother in the land when they are expected to serve the rest of their family. I'm no as green as I am cabbage lookin' - ' I'm not as naive you think.' If the wind changes your face will stay that way - A lie told to children when they pull a face. Gie it some welly - put some more effort in. Pardon my French - a non-sincere apology for swearing. Do you think money grows on trees? - something all parents have said at one point or another to their demanding children. Look at the nick of ye! - You don't look your best It will all end in tears - A pre warning that something is about to go awry. I'll take my hand to yer jaw - another verbal threat of impending violence. The sweats running down the sheuch of my arse - My arse is sweating Would you steal my grave as quick - How rude of you to steal my seat. Ne'er cast a clout till May's oot - Don't get your summer wardrobe out just yet. Whats for ye’ll no go by ye - If it's meant to be, it will happen. Away n geez peace - Leave me alone. Is the budgiedeid? – your trousers are too short. You're ripping ma knitting - you are annoying me I'm up tae high doe - I am finding this particularly stressful. I'm having kittens - I'm panicking. Away an bile yer heid - Go away and think again. Like it or lump it - That's just how it is. You look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards - You look unkempt Yer a long time deid - Life is short so try to enjoy it. Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out - Think about the consequences of what you are going to say before you say it. Your hair is like straw hingin oot a midden - Your hair is a mess. Mony a mickle maks a muckle! – a load of small things make a big thing, usually said in reference to your pocket money being less than you were expecting. You're lookin' awfy peely wally - You look pale and unwell. You're needing a feed, Ah’ve seen mair meat on a butchers pencil - You are too thin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted November 28, 2021 Report Share Posted November 28, 2021 What's a Penguins favourite dog?A Bichon Frieze [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slarti Posted November 29, 2021 Report Share Posted November 29, 2021 One of the major differences between Iran and Iraq is that in Iran everyone is afraid of spiders while in Iraq-no-phobia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSS Posted November 29, 2021 Report Share Posted November 29, 2021 The TV company in Saudi Arabia don’t show The Flintstones but Abu Dhabi do 📺 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Arthur Blair Posted November 29, 2021 Report Share Posted November 29, 2021 There was a woman outside Tesco today with her 9 weans collecting money for her vaginal reconstruction surgery. You should have seen her waving her bucket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Arthur Blair Posted November 29, 2021 Report Share Posted November 29, 2021 Women responding to my online dating profile were very accepting of my key-ring fetish. It took a while to find one who would fob me off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Arthur Blair Posted December 2, 2021 Report Share Posted December 2, 2021 I was sitting in the dark the other day and this weird porno was on where a pathetic fat guy was crying and wanking. It took about 3 minutes before I realised I hadn't switched the telly on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 True story................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddieinEK Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 Just watched Countryfile...But the programme title still confuses me.I had no idea that Boris Johnson had even been filed a first time! [emoji850][emoji41]Sent from my HD1913 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted December 6, 2021 Report Share Posted December 6, 2021 I don't see what's funny.......................everyone knows the small print is what coyote's do..............................beep beep! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSS Posted December 6, 2021 Report Share Posted December 6, 2021 Out for lunch today and scored with a 20 yarder into the top corner ⚽️🥅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted December 6, 2021 Report Share Posted December 6, 2021 Out for lunch today and scored with a 20 yarder into the top corner [emoji460]️[emoji1624]What have you been told about taking photos in toilets..... [emoji848] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted December 7, 2021 Report Share Posted December 7, 2021 Why can't Penguins play football?Because there's snowballs [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Monster Posted December 7, 2021 Report Share Posted December 7, 2021 Why are Penguins good at motorsports?Cause they always start in Pole position [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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