Callum Gilhooley Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 I had mine done 15 or 16 years ago after my youngest son was born. It was done at the old Law Hospital before Wishaw opened and it was an old style ward with 20 or so guys lined up in beds going in one at a time. I was 5th in and there was a right dark humour about it. Initially everyone was very quiet. The first guy went away to a few sympathetic nods. When he returned was saw him lift his sheets, check his tackle and then heave a sigh of relief. When the next guy returned he did the same thing. The third one up had watched this and when he came back and checked his he gave a wee shriek then laughed at the panic on our faces. Fourth one came back and he asked the third one how many cuts he had. "one" he said. "Ha, you must have a small dick, I've got two". During my procedure I could feel the surgeon pulling out the bit that was going to be cut. My reflex reaction was to pull my leg up and I heard something crashing off the wall. I was knocked out completely after that. The next day I started work at UiE and my stitches burst and I had quite a bit of pain for a few weeks bit it was very worthwhile. Really ? You dont say ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Dickson Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Really ? You dont say ! Oh I dunno. If they were working more efficiently perhaps they would have done them in batches. It doesn't seem like a difficult procedure. You could have a proper production line and keep the surgeon busy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepaisleypanda Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 I had mine done 15 or 16 years ago after my youngest son was born. Well, it was hardly going to be after your OLDEST son was born! - Was it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gruffalo Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Well, it was hardly going to be after your OLDEST son was born! - Was it? Maybe it was he just has not figured it out yet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Had it done about 15 years ago, and opted for the shitebag option of general anaesthetic (sp?). I really didn't fancy the idea of being able to watch somebody setting about my scrotum with a set of garden shears (yes, they ARE that big ). It wasn't the most enjoyable experience I've ever had, but I've had a boot in the stones that was worse. I healed up fine and was able to run a half marathon 4 weeks later with no ill-effects. It seems a decent thing to do if you're in a long term, permanent relationship and have had your allocated offspring quota. I certainly felt heroic, at least until my swollen, melon-sized hawmaws had returned to their regulation dimensions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oaksoft Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Oh I dunno. If they were working more efficiently perhaps they would have done them in batches. It doesn't seem like a difficult procedure. You could have a proper production line and keep the surgeon busy. They'd be much more efficient if wankers like you stopped using and abusing the NHS when you can easily pay for private medical care for this sort of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oaksoft Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) On a separate note, no wonder the NHS is in financial trouble when so many people use and abuse it to indulge in this sort of thing for free. This is what private medical care should be used for. You want your nuts clipped? You fecking well pay for it. Leave the NHS for proper medical emergencies instead of vanity pish. Edited May 15, 2015 by oaksoft Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whydowebother Posted May 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 On a separate note, no wonder the NHS is in financial trouble when so many people use and abuse it to indulge in this sort of thing for free. This is what private medical care should be used for. You want your nuts clipped? You fecking well pay for it. Leave the NHS for proper medical emergencies instead of vanity pish. I agree , which is why I went private at The Yorkshire Clinic for this quite pain free procedure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) On a separate note, no wonder the NHS is in financial trouble when so many people use and abuse it to indulge in this sort of thing for free. This is what private medical care should be used for. You want your nuts clipped? You fecking well pay for it. Leave the NHS for proper medical emergencies instead of vanity pish. I would imagine the snip is cheaper than many years of the pill for your partner via free prescription. It is also undoubtedly cheaper for the NHS than subsidising care and treatment of an unplanned child through to adulthood and ultimately death.Call it responsible and prudent population control. ETA:its also about men taking responsibility for birth control rather than their partners pumping themselves full of synthetic hormones and other chemicals for decades. Edited May 15, 2015 by Drew Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 its also about men taking responsibility for birth control ^^^ still embarrassed to buy Johnnies fae' the wummin' in the local chemist type post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 ^^^ still embarrassed to buy Johnnies fae' the wummin' in the local chemist type post. I've exhausted their supplies of XXXL. Okay, I doth protest too loudly. It's actually XXL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Got it about 8 years ago for free at the local health centre. Female nurse holding the tadger to one side to allow the surgeon to do his thing and I'm lying there trying to send messages to the bold boy ' don't fkin move!' Then I see the surgeon standing there with a scalpel in his hand bearing down on the haw maws. Then I knew for a fact there was going to be no movement by the bold boy and I could 'relax' again, sort of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Jesus Lord almighty... Whit' is it with you lot and yer' haw-maws, scalpels, cuts and nips, pain and bruised plums.... You know that feeling you get rubbing polystyrene together? Scraping a fork down a saucepan? Screeching chalk on a blackboard? Gaunnae' fcuking stop wi' yer' vasectomy shoite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Dickson Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 The vasectomy was one thing - wait till you get a cystoscopy. They had some double act going for that one. "Go empty your bladder first", she said. "We like an empty bladder". Then when you return the consultant pulls up the flap on your gown and while she's flirting away asking for my phone number, he's sticking a camera and a power washer in my Japs Eye while telling me to "relax, cause this bit hurts". You don't f**king say! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oaksoft Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 The vasectomy was one thing - wait till you get a cystoscopy. They had some double act going for that one. "Go empty your bladder first", she said. "We like an empty bladder". Then when you return the consultant pulls up the flap on your gown and while she's flirting away asking for my phone number, he's sticking a camera and a power washer in my Japs Eye while telling me to "relax, cause this bit hurts". You don't f**king say! Sigh. Stop making stuff up you tedious arse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraway saint Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Sigh. Stop making stuff up you tedious arse. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Irony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26-59-87-13 Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 Two things I like to tell my kids about and any other young 'uns who'll listen, dating back 20 years or so to when I had my nuts nullified - firstly, the pre-op instructions required the area to be shaved. When the male nurse at the SGH saw my efforts, he remarked that I'd been unnecessarily zealous. Basically, I'd just carried on down south from shaving my face. Pubes are bleedin' painful while they grow back. Secondly - and this is absolutely true - the local anaesthetic didn't work the first time it was administered. Which is alarming. So they tried again. After a second injection in the scrotal zone and a pause to let the knackers become numb, they started work again with the scalpel. Imagine the pitch of my voice as I told them the area still wasn't anesthetised. Oh, how we laughed! Post-op swelling and bruising was pretty bad but, because I was clearly a VERY fecund beast, a lot cheaper and less painful than having a larger family . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
proudtobeabuddy Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 The vasectomy was one thing - wait till you get a cystoscopy. They had some double act going for that one. "Go empty your bladder first", she said. "We like an empty bladder". Then when you return the consultant pulls up the flap on your gown and while she's flirting away asking for my phone number, he's sticking a camera and a power washer in my Japs Eye while telling me to "relax, cause this bit hurts". You don't f**king say! You were doing so well till the bit in bold Stuart ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 Bollox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whydowebother Posted May 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 The vasectomy was one thing - wait till you get a cystoscopy. They had some double act going for that one. "Go empty your bladder first", she said. "We like an empty bladder". Then when you return the consultant pulls up the flap on your gown and while she's flirting away asking for my phone number, he's sticking a camera and a power washer in my Japs Eye while telling me to "relax, cause this bit hurts". You don't f**king say! Had that done last year , there were ( I kid you not ) 4 women and 1 guy in the room. They inject you down the japs eye as you know to numb it , then start feeding in this camera with lights and jet spray attached ffs ! The flexible camera reel is wider than a Biro , what's all that about ? Oh aye , great sensation on the way out as they flush you Memories eh ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickMcD Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 Bollox Did you mean scrotums? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whydowebother Posted May 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 Ed Balls. That is all. Is he still a 'member' of parliament ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Dickson Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 You were doing so well till the bit in bold Stuart ;) Someone once told me that if I had to explain a joke then it wasn't funny. I guess I wasn't funny. She was asking for my phone number amongst other details. Dunno why they do that. Perhaps it's a security check to prove I didn't send someone else in to get a camera shoving into their bladdet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
proudtobeabuddy Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 Someone once told me that if I had to explain a joke then it wasn't funny. I guess I wasn't funny. She was asking for my phone number amongst other details. Dunno why they do that. Perhaps it's a security check to prove I didn't send someone else in to get a camera shoving into their bladdet Here's me thinking you were after a bit of howsyerfather.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted May 16, 2015 Report Share Posted May 16, 2015 I had my ears syringed a month ago. I had picked up an ear infection which antibiotics cleared up. However, some stubborn bits of wax decided to completely block one ear. A gentle course of olive oil drips failed to budge it, so they syringed my ear. The warm water swooshed around and cleared it all. Now I can hear again. It wasn't remotely painful. Right. Now I'm setting all you cnuts to ignore. Weirdos! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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