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shull

The Funny As Feck Thread

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A ventriloquist visiting Aberdeenshire, 
walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: awright Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him.'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid man

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Doin' all right.'

Villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Villager: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.'

Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Villager: 'The sheep's a f**king liar'

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4 minutes ago, shull said:

A ventriloquist visiting Aberdeenshire, 
walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: awright Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him.'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid man

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Doin' all right.'

Villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Villager: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.'

Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Villager: 'The sheep's a f**king liar'

True story? 

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