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chingford

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Posts posted by chingford

  2. Yet Another Crap Joke

    in General Nonsense

    Posted

    Got this from a pal. Not hilarious but rings bells.... :)

    Subject: THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.

    1. It is important to find a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

    2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.

    3. It is important to find a woman whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

    4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

    5. It is very important that these four women don't know each other

  13. Yet Another Crap Joke

    in General Nonsense

    Posted

    A seasonal one...

    Last year was a quiet Ne'erday for us.

    As is traditional in oor hoose, Ms Chingford wants it spotless clean fur Ne'erday. Last year, I was sittin, havin a quiet can o lager, watching the box at 23.58 just afore the Bells and she walks in the living room tae nag...

    "What's the empty can doing?" I shrugged, but she wanted aw the crap oot in the midden (or 'bin' as we posh chingfordians call it...). The hoose had to be clean before the Bells.

    She grabbed the can and stalked oot the hoose.

    And was back in just as the bloke on the box announced it was 2003! We kissed and hugged, then she told me there had been a man oot lurkin by the bin!

    "Did he touch you?!?!"

    She shook her heid.

    "Did he say anythin?"

    She shook her heid again, "Naw.... He was... masturbating!"

    My jaw dropped, "What did you do?"

    She gave me wan o thae looks, "Nuthin! I ran straight back in here,

    after sayin to him - ' Aw the Best when it comes!!' " :)

    And awrabest tae you lot. At 6.00AM, I'm off to a place called 'scotchland' fur this year - way, way up a Skye. And may be at a football ground near you, next Saturday.

    AWRABEST WHEN IT COMES... :lol:

    KTF 2004

  17. 5 Food-named Bands/artistes...

    in Top Fives

    Posted

    On a couple of close threads to this I was impressed by the proliferation of foodie band names. Peppers, Jam, Bizkits etcetera. Lying awake in bed (as you do) I soon thought of Meatloaf, Bread, the Strawbs, Marmalade (wonder where the Jam got their original name from...?) and several others, but could think of none in the 1960s.

    None of the Mersey crowd nor Stones, Kinks Hollies and so on. None of the Tamla that I love.

    Only ones I could come up with were:

    1. The immortal Chuck Berry (but that's just his name - not contrived)

    2. Dave Berry. (Similar to above)

    3. The Platters (only a potential food-serving dish...)

    4. The Animals (we don't eat all bits of all animals, foreby, in Falkirk, animals are classed less as food than sex objects...)

    5. Errrr.... that's it.

    I'm sure greybeards out there can spew out a few more... :)

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