Tom McB

No 5- too easy GLC Though their best is "Guns don't kill people, rappers do At this point I must thank the baby McBs for their part in educating me in yoof kulcha. But GLC are bluidy funny.

Now I confess that I've never read Lolita- In my profession it might seem suspect. Sure you mean granny? Or jist sounds like...........

Mibbies Naw, Though I have promised that the minute I catch myself thinking " That's a good looking granny" at a parents' night I'm hanging up my chalk.

Migod bud- No booger's spotted "So Lonely" by the polis. Brought me to a cracker from about the same era In Europe and America, there's a growing feeling of hysteria Mibbies change the title o' the song to Mullahs for a contemporary feel?

Nope- not a closet nor out one. Actaually it was Haitians, Haemophiliacs and Homosexuals. So I could also be a closet Haitian Founder of the Port au Prince Morton Supporters club.

Bonus points for those who can remember the three H's who were most at risk of aids.

Then let me explain. In the early 1980s- circa 1983, Horizon ( still making excellent documentaries btw) did a prog on aids infection. The bath house culture of San Francisco was mentioned. Bath houses Migod- Saunas- we really do use ridiculous euphemisms

You chaps like bath houses? That would explain a lot.

Don't build up you hopes

1. An old firm top 2. A boxing ring wie NSS 3. Any ring wie NSS 4. A San Francisco Bath House 5. Any pub that sells spirits in wee measures

Double entry? As in book keeping?

Now way to talk about one the mods, liable to get your warning level raised me boy

Ching has covered one aspect of this, the other aspect is that it simply aint true In the schools I've been in non OF fans in in the minority. A good friend teaches in a Paisley school and reported that during the hunnite ascendency the majority Hunnite support among the staff was swollen by glory hunters. In the schools I've been in the OF support is always bigger than all other teams' support put together.

Which brings to mind the old one about paisley schools never putting on a nativity play. Virgins were bloody hard to find, but three wise men?

Not very PC are ye? Carpet munchers demand to be called lesbians. Gay is reserved for arse bandits.

Careful Div, he might want to put more than silver in your palm

Positively fourth street - Bobby Dylan Watching the Detectives - Elvis Costello Ku Klux Klan - Steel pulse Van Morrison - Tupelo Honey Heard it through the grapevine - Marvin Gaye

Indeed, the potato bowl and hunbrox are great f'ckwit magnets.

Okay

C'mon Ching, enlighten the masses, whit did ye get?

Happens all over- the sight of buses of Bhigots and hunnite vermin leaving Greenock leaves me with a problem - I want their money at scapa but tbh the neanderthals who make up a fair proportion of their support can go to their cathedrals to bhigotry every fooking saturday between now and the twilight of the Gods, and I would not shed a single tear of remorse.

Or is credulity on the increase. Look here and here and here and finally here This conspiracy theory is as daft as the man never landed on the moon p1sh.

Aye- half way between Pishley and Weegieland- amazing that the houses retain their value

Widescreen is the biz- If you're using DVD films they look very good. If you're not now's the ideal time to persuade the significant other that you need a DVD player. 28" seems to be the minimum size- works well in our living room; actually, here in the Mearns it's the family room Asda et al do them at v good prices. Don't worry about digital- If you can't get cable and don't want to make Murdoch even richer then set top digital boxes are coming in at about fifty quid. Cheapest 42" Plasma screens I've seen are at Richer Sounds Sadly Mrs McB only raises her eyebrows in thatway when I mention that the price is falling.