EL NOMBRE

Why did God part the Red Sea anyhoo?....Personally I think he's just a big show off!

God Bless K-Tel. The scourge of musical taste.

Must have been some party!....Did they ever establish if there was life on Mars?...it's only £2.30 for an all day ticket to Neilston.

I but see at Halloween...I ruled the joint.

I never wanked as a teenager. I've since been to further Education at night classes ....and now rip the heid off it mercilessly! God Bless Education...and Razzle!

Damn right. Only..... the Santaponsa mafia will no doubt have something to say on the matter.

"Bite us!.....puny earth creature!"

Ye have to go through all that...and they call it Flash?

1/ Andy Walker 2/ Andy Walkers dug 3/ Andy Walkers neighbour 4/ Andy Walkers neighbours dug 5/ an... Gordon "I'm a big bairns fan dontcha know...which is why I spend loads of time at Ibrox even when not in a working capacity...and watch me fling in a sneaky wee name-check for Falkirk in my column every week,even though it has absolutely no relevance whatsoever to the actual article I'm writing" Waddell.

Probably...its been there long enough....

Yazoo:-Don't Go! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doodoo-doo...da-doodoo-doo-doo-doodoo-doo-doo-doo

Bernie...him wi the big Dug.Sound as a pound. Nowt wrong wi ma dancing btw....I cut quite a rug dontcha know. Oh Aye..tunes...well I was humming along to Johnny Cash there...ring of fire...that talk about you in Eurovision made it pop into my head.

Away oot fur a pint with Winters ya dobber!....he's probably looking for a pal.

Good Choice! Think I'll stick on I wanna be adored ....and do me Ian Brown marking time walk along to it..."I don't have..to sell my sew-oul...its already in me..."

Rebel Rebel:-David Bowie....just to piss of the Rangers daftybaws upstairs!

He shall.Mehmetdinho will score the goal that keeps us up...you wait and see non-believers.

1/ The way that some f**kwit insists on sitting on a reserved seat...cos "I got here afore you did"...I don't have to get there before you numbnuts...my seat is reserved...SHIFT YER ARSE! 2/ folk that skip the line at the Pie Stall...nae wonder I can never get a Hot Dog for the wean...wait yer turn like everyone else. 3/ The way some Clubs charge a fee for Parking the Bus...pure f**king scam! ...partly the fault of the cops! 4/ Stewards in general...most have had a humourectomy...miserable f**kers! 5/ SPL pricing for away games...absolute disgrace in the main...and will kill this game stone dead eventually.We feel we have to follow suit.

Aye.....I'm right into songs about elfs and shit... ...surprised they didnae get the gig for the LOTR soundtrack.

Its one track....not a way of life..as Rush have adopted. They're gash..gash..gash!

Queen:-The Prophet Song....."Listen to the wise MAAAAAAaaaaaaan!...."

Minted init?

"Life goes by when you're the driver of a train....steaming into Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine..."

1/ There may well be better places.....but it is,and always will be home. 2/ Paisley folk...by and large we are a good bunch 3/ The Mirren....truly a home town team 4/ That feeling ye get when ye've been away for a while and you come home...cannae whack it. 5/ loads of boozers,hairdressers,and takeaways.We're the drunkest,coiffured obese folk in Scotland....and proud of it.

1/ Too many wee dudes who talk out of one nostril...and think it makes them sound hard 2/ Canal St station...cancel trains all the time..does my head in 3/ More buses than a Reg Varny nightmare 4/ They concrete maltesers at the Taxi Rank...what the hell are they all about? 5/ We seem to be inundated with planks who have a "wee soft spot for St.Mirren.." but who never actually part with any dough and attend a game.Steel toe-cap boots were invented to be used on these feckers.

Half man Half biscuit....Dickie Davies eyes....