Crispian Crunchie

Surely there's more of them than three blazered old farts?

...are all featuring naughty ladies in their scanties, advertising something called Pabo.com. This is not a complaint, by the way.

Are you talking about Opus Records ?

Under the Moon of Love anyone ?

Subjectively, I just like the look and feel of it. Objectively, I like its keyboard accessibility, rendering speed, tabbed browsing (which MS have now of course, copied), and particularly the speed dial feature. And the widgets. Firefox is pretty good too, and they're both preferable to Microspoff, but I just prefer Opera. Try it, you'll like it.

Has the part of Big Jim Clunie been cast yet?

I'd like to volunteer for the part of Jim Clunie. I'm quite good at the swearing.

Yep. Terrific stuff. And its Rodrigo, by the way.

Yeah. Opera's better than that, IE7, and Firefox.

Deal or No Deal? PISH.

Good, but this was out last week and is (IMO) better ..... Opera

Top 5: 1. QI. 2. Bullseye. 3. Shooting Stars. 4. Have I got News for You. 5. Blockbusters. 6. It's a Knockout. (Sorry, six there. ) Bottom 5: 1. Jokers Wild. 2. Kick Start. 3. Kitchen Criminals. 4. Scrapheap Challenge. 5. A Question of Sport. Reference

Well, if youi can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I'm listening to Classic FM.

1. I'm Listening To - who gives a phuck? I mean really, who gives a flying phuck? 2. Top 5 Albums I'm Listening To - see above. Mutual masturbation on the web. 3. Picture Link Game Ok, me culpa - I started it. It was good once upon a time. 4. Vote for Your Team. Please, when we make number one team in the world with 93 million gazillion votes, can we just bloody drop it? 5. Actually, there's only 4.

I think it's time for me to say again that I couldn't give a flying feck at a rolling doughnut what bloody albums you're listening to. There you go.

Alright then. I bet you a million pounds I don't.

I had a pint of Staropramen in a local pub last night and it cost £3.06.

The Virtual Wee Barrell used to be popular around lunchtimes. I seem to recall Donna (Kebabs) getting her pies out there.

I disagree with that. The Lord of the Rings itself is actually a wonderful narrative, proceeding with an unmistakable purpose towards its conclusion. The "actual story" is wholly that, though clearly, many references are made during the course of the narrative to events that took place long before - but of necessity. It was when Tolkien went on substantially to expand the scope of the history of middle-earth well before, and subsequent to, the events recounted in LOTR, that in my opinion, he'd begun to take it too far. Or to do what the likes of Brooks have done, if you will. I'd check your facts if I were you. Lewis was never an atheist. His Ulster-rooted faith lapsed somewhat during his twenties, it is true, but was re-affirmed quite vehemently (largely due to the influence of Tolkien) in his thirties, round about the same time as he conceived the Narnia christian allegories.

I have to be brutally honest and admit that I've not actually read any of them, such is my pre-formed prejudice. So my view of Mr Brooks' literary prowess may well be unjust and based largely on ignorance, but I have, nevertheless, formed an impression of it from reading book reviews, Wiki references, and so forth. I have formed the view that he has, like so many others in the genre, mistaken overly lazy derivativeness for originality, but I accept that I may be totally wrong on this ( I did think this of Donaldson, too, and still do up to a point, but genuinely enjoyed the Covenant books). Tell you what though, I'll give it a go. Which book would you recommend I start on ?

The Snappily-titled The Great Grease-Tailed Shaven Pig Hunt . Due for publication August 5, it seems. f**k knows what it's about.

Thank you V. I will now sleep soundly tonight.

Draw your prickles back in. I do actually like the fantasy genre up to a point - I've read Tolkien's LOTR trilogy several times and I also quite enjoyed Stephen Donaldson's Thomas Covenant stuff. But it seems to me that you can take things too far with this genre - to a point where everything becomes simply too derivative of what's gone before, and just soooo boring. And that's what seems to be wrong with Terry Brooks' novels (and also, for that matter, the Silmarillion - JRRT taking things just too far). Of course, if you like Terry Brooks' novels, then you'll like Terry Brooks' novels. But then if you like gorgonzola cheese, then you'll like gorgonzola cheese.