Stu

That must be one of the worst jokes I have ever heard/read

More plagiarism - I posted that link months ago. Aye, and your point is caller?

I only found out the other day that the excellent IMDB site also contains memorable quotes from films. Check it out at http://www.imdb.com/

It's brilliant, the bit where he is performing at the wedding is funny too

1. "Haw! Heid!" - So I Married An Axe Murderer 2. "You were only supposed to blow the bloody door off" - The Italian Job 3. "Are you the Judean People's Front?" "F**k off! "What?" "Judean People's Front. We're the People's Front of Judea!" - Monty Python's Life Of Brian 4. "Wow, that sounds like a really good deal, but I think I got a better one. How about, I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call?" - The Matrix 5. "Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot?" "It's too tight." "Too tight? You could land a jumbo f**king jet in that!" - Snatch

Doesn't take me any time, if the old lady cared to read my post I said my dad uses shears

What about "Oh sit down, oh sit down, oh sit down. Sit down, we've got seats" as a small varition of the song Sid chose?

My dad still uses shears to trim the lawn

Why not a nice rendition of "You've no, you've no, we've got 10,000 seats and you've no."

One of the finest children's programmes listed on that site was Family Ness, a superb programme I always watched. Top 5 kids TV programmes from the past 1. Family Ness 2. Jimbo 3. Bertha 4. Fireman Sam 5. Thomas the Tank Engine (new episodes are rubbish). Unfortunately there wasn't enough space to include such fine examples of TV programming as Charlie Chalk, Penny Crayon, Tugs (from the makers of Thomas the Tank Engine) and The Wombles.

Quality site, some of those shows on the TV pages are brilliance. They don't make kids TV like that anymore

Aye neither could I, putting his name there is a disgrace to the many fine players who have pulled on the stripes, and in some cases in the stripes ;)

Was that the one with the really small, diamond shaped dish? I had that as well (I can't remember a time when my house just had terrestrial!) and it had channels with imaginative names, such as "The Sports Channel"

1. Whitby Town's chips Erm thats it, that must be one of the few times I've visited the pie stall

1. Campbell Money 2. Barry Lavety 3. Norrie McWhirter 4. Barry McLaughlin 5. A.N. Other I genuinely can't think of another Saints player that has been consistently good when I have been supporting Saints. I could have Mark Yardley, Ian Ross or Scott Walker from 1999-2000, or Martin Cameron from this season.

Don't you dare do that one Stu, Folk will realise that you are listening to Travis. Whats the problem wi Travis? Beside it's usually Semisonic or U2 at present

Over the last few days, whilst walking around Edinburgh and Glasgow, I have encountered a large number of street eejits, such as Big issue sellers and folk wanting me to donate money to Quarriers. Anyone got good ways to avoid them? here are mine: 1. Avoid eye contact 2. Have your stereo up very loud so that you can't hear them 3. Get into a major discussion with a mate when you get within 5 yards of them 4. Walk around them, even if it means crossing the street 5. Just say no Not very good ones, I'm sure folk on here will have better ideas

Auf Wiedershien Pet, but I'm not sure if Wiedershien is the correct spelling so left it at a W. Blackadder is indeed class, the series with the Queen is the best I reckon.

Ah well, explains a lot. Didn't realise it was part of a package. BTW James Richardson is the guy in the studio doing the Italian footy, the same guy who did it on C4

No problems there, they are the ones who pay for it There are a fair number of channels which appeal to me, I still watch some of the kids stuff like Trouble and Nick when I'm home, then stuff like Paramount and Uk Gold and Sky One at night

You sure? bit odd, us Sky punters get it free

1. The Simpsons 2. Friends on E4 (a whole day before normal C4!) 3. Repeats of Frasier and Spin City on Paramount 4. Repeats of Blackadder, Only Fools & Horses and AWP on UK Gold 5. Loads of sport. BTW does anyone understand the logic for Channel 4 using E4 for first showings of Friends and ER? It's not as if its a subscription channel like FIlm Four, so whats the point?

And of course he paid Mark Yardley's transfer fee

Was surprised at that, what does his company do anyway? Are there not adboards for it at Love Street? I definitely remember seeing the name McAusland on an adboard somewhere.

Alistair McGowan is brilliant! A non political version of Rory Bremner