Dirty Sanchez

I forgot about that. You're clearly not a Chav then. That's quite a comon Ned trait,where they're far too hard,tough and cool to walk any faster when a car appears on the scene while they're crossing the road. Ooooh, how impressive,monkey features. Of course,in the States, the laws are the other way round. It's quite acceptable to walk in front of traffic in certain situations. I thought that was weird when I first saw people doing it but,once you get the hang of it,it's great.

Also,people who press the green man button without first checking to see if they'd be able to cross without stopping the flow of traffic for no flipping reason. Even worse,people who press the green man button when they've no fecking intention of crossing. i.e. they press it just for the hell of it when they just happen to be passing by. On cutting corners. I don't mind the people who cut corners when they haven't seen a car coming out of the junction. I mean, I do mind. It's still,daft,lazy dangerous and everything else to gamble and presume that there won't be oncoming traffic,but it pales into insignificance compared to people who do observe a car coming out of the junction,but still fecking cut the corner anyway. What's that all about? It's similar to the days when you could drive down the High Street and turn left onto Moss Street. That used to be a great corner for jaywalkers. The ones who walk in front of traffic without looking where they're going might be a bit careless,but the feckers who see you coming,and still walk out ? FFS.

I had one of those,and it wasn't even my fecking neighbour. I was brought up in Foxbar,and on occasion I take a drive though the area for nostalgia. I was parked in Waverley Road when it became clear that I'd inadvertently taken the parking space 'belonging' to a resident. This car draws up behind me with a middle aged woman and her teenage daughter in it. In my mirror,I can see words being exchanged between them to accompany the daggers they were drawing me. When their door finally swung open I could hear the daughter say, '...but you've bought it '. This girl was clearly under the impression that when you buy your council house you also take possession of the entire street outside too,and that they would have been well within their rights to tell me to feck off. Even stranger,it looked as though her maw was thinking about it. It must be a territorial,animal behaviour kind of thing.

I think the guy who played for us was John Peacock. It wasn't Lee anyway.

There's a couple of possibilities in that picture but,again,no glaring examples. I'll need to get the camera out the next time I spot one. My old geography teacher once pointed out that coal seams can often appear as a 'gash on the hillside'. This topic certainly puts a different complexion on that claim.

That's the general idea,although it's certainly not a textbook example. I've edited the picture to indicate the relevant part,although in this case the stream is a bit too crooked,and the surrounding topography doesn't really give the correct triangluar fanny-like profile. If there's room on the web for the famous MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com website,then surely there's scope for a Hillsthatlooklikefannnies.com project?

My party made another connection between hillwalking and nudity while we were marching around the glens of northern Arran. One person (aye,OK then,it was me ) noted that when a small stream cuts vertically through a hillside,from summit to valley floor,it actually resembles shaved female genitalia. Once this was noted,we spent the day looking out for other examples,and there was even a part of the glen that had three such streams adjacent to each other,so you were looking across to the opposite side of the valley to see three giant fannies looking back at you. Now there's something to look out for the next time you're off on a ramble.

TomMcBigfatchequebook.

McWhirter used to stroll through games like a Linwood Franz Beckenbaur,and was unfortunate to come of age during such a sh*te era for the club. Lambert managed to escape but Norrie's injuries stopped him from becomming what he should have. Overrated f*ck all.

Click the quote button,then put =Ebay after the word QUOTE and before the second square bracket.

A few others who deserve a mention,in no particular order: 1.Ozzy Osbourne Aye,OK, he's a zany japester who pishes on sacred monuments and bites the head off doves for the comedy value,etc,etc,.....but the c*nt hasn't had a decent song since about 1972. He should have been taken out and shot for that duet he did with his daughter. 2.Whitney Houston "AyeeeeeeeeeeAyeeeeeeeeewilllllllllllalways........" Ach,just f*cking shut it Whitney. Gies peace. Put a sock in it,love. 3. Sweeping generalisation: 1960s music. You hear old timers slagging off more modern music, by claiming,'At least they played their own instruments in the '60s'. Oh aye,did they? There was a very interesting article in Mojo magazine that shattered this myth,and gave a list of 'classic' 60s standards where the band in question didn't even feature on the track. What used to happen was that,in the recording studio,one by one,the band would find themselves being replaced by session musicians because the groups couldn't cut it themselves,and the hired hands could do the job quicker and better.You'd have the spectacle of a hip 60s beat combo,sitting there,looking through the glass at 'their' songs being recorded by a bunch of session men. Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin and Big Jim Sullivan,who used to play guitar for Tom Jones,are two of the more notable session men who were stunt doubles for loads of 60s outfits. 4. Def Leppard There aren't many British bands who became as big in the States as this mob were. F*ck knows why,I cringe when I watch them. At least Spinal Tap were only kidding. 5.Janis Joplin Pot ugly screeching weirdo.

I wasn't aware that the UK took part in Euro 2004.

Yes,that would be fair. The Does Humor Belong in Music tour was contemporary with Culture Club making their breakthrough in the States,so that live album has got a couple of good references to Boy George on it. e.g. Mid-song,the band burst into a line of, 'Do you really want to hurt me?' *brief pause* The whole band then warbles in falsetto, 'Ooooh,we sure do!' Ronald Reagan getting the electric chair in the 'You Are What You Is' video was another good 'get it up ye' moment from him,though he'd cross the street to avoid Democrats too.

On a Morton theme,what the f*ck was that reek that used to come from the old industrial buildings,next to the river,where the buses used to park? It was f*cking hoaching. When you left the bus,you had to hold your breath until you got to the main road.

...and haircuts...nah...that's a different thread.

Not to mention the magnificent outro of: That's why I say, I'm gonna ram it,ram it,ram it,ram it up yer poop chute, Corn hole, Ram it,ram it,ram it,ram it up yer poop chute, Fist f*ck, Ram it,ram it,ram it,ram it up yer poop chute, Don't fool yourself girl,it's going right up yer poop chute, Don't fool yourself girl,it's going right up yer poop chute, Repeat to fade As a persistent gay basher,he also provided us with the immortal Joe's Garage line of: 'His evening's not complete without some meat in the seat'

Steve Kirk was a total vagina.

Good point. There's a plethora of w*nkers in the celebritry chef community. 1.That scouse tube who looks like Terry McDermot. 2.The guy with the comedy,Sheena Easton style,trans-Atlantic accent. 3.That wee creepy b*stard Worrall-Thompson. 4.Winner of the BAFTA award for most punchable face on the telly,Jamie Oliver. 5.Nigella Lawson. That restraining order she took out against me was completely unjustified.

That baldy,poofy guy who tends to crop up on the telly doing the Scottish Hogmanay coverage.

F*ck me,for one scary moment I thought that said DIDO

Harry Pussy. Not strictly edible,but still eaten by many. They're a genuine rock act.Here's their profile from the AllMusic website. Search for any item of food on AllMusic and it'll find you a band with that name.

Surely Steve Kirk deserves a mention here? What is there not to dislike about the guy? Even his accent is annoying. Alex McDonald's entire Hearts squad. Alex McDonald's entire Airdrie squad. Alex McDonald. And for younger viewers,Juan Sara and Nacho Novo are amongst the most irritating,girly gaylords I've ever seen on a football park.

Is that possible? Where's the hole?

Paul Kinnaird - Butthead Basher and Ricky Gillies c1995 - Princes William and Harry.

Mimi Rogers in Full Body Massage springs to mind. She's better known for her roles in ordinary films,but when I saw this on Sky Movies it was a bit of an eye opener to see that she'd been hiding those space hoppers away for years. In fact I've just been reviewing some stills from the scene on a celebrity movie site and,yes,it's still an eye opener. All natural too.