Wilbur

Are you sure it wasnae Simon Callow that you fantasised about ?

A 60 year old !!! Sick man.

1. GIUY 2. GIRUY 3. FGIRUY 4. ...... I'll stick at three

Kinda depends on what kind of cheese. I hate that Dairylea spread, too salty.

No thanks Wullie, that must be the second worst job in the world. Dry cleaning Bill Lees' curtains would be the worst.

I read Whisky Galore about 6 months ago and was utterly disappointed. Perhaps the romanticised B&W movie version had promised something much funnier but the novel was just dull.

Massively embarrassing. It takes a brave man to admit publicly that you went to Benidorm on holiday, Dougie.

Is that another name for offshore roustabouts, Wullie ?

Wullie, I thought you might have suggested 1. Big waves 2. Really big waves 3. Huge waves 4. Bloody massive waves 5. Oh FFS, what the f........

Okay, picking up on Reidy’s challenge, I can easily name 5 things that are acceptable (and even enjoyable) to a Grumpy auld bugger. 1. Having a nice meal in a quiet restaurant ………… except when there are bloody weans running about the place, jumping and screaming while their couldnae-give-a-flying-feck parents are immune to the mayhem being caused. 2. Enjoying a few pints in my local ………… except when it’s full of pish-head arseh*les shouting their conversations at the top of their voices to one another because they’re too rubber to realize how loud they are. 3. Going to a music concert to see one of my favourite groups or singers ………… except when it’s at the SECC where they keep the bloody bar open right through the performance and the entire evening is spoiled by cretins continually walking in front of you to (and from) the bar, spilling lager as they pass. 4. A pleasant drive along the M8 in low volume traffic ………… except when you catch up on the eighty year old tit in the middle / outside lane in his Honda Civic meandering along at 45 mph with not a concern in the world for any other road users. And his 79 year old wife is always there in the passenger seat, but you can’t ever see her because she’s only 4 foot 7 tall and you only notice her when you eventually overtake and turn round to the old tit to digitally show your appreciation of his excellent roadmanship. 5. Going on a holiday abroad to Mediterranean or perhaps the Iberian peninsula ……………except when the (British or do I mean English ?) extended-family-from-Hell invade your hotel and take control by means of growling and glowering at all the other guests. All 34 of the fat buggers (grannies, uncles, teenagers & reptile-children) take over the bars, the swimming pool and the pool tables, and spend the next 2 weeks having a great time by ensuring that everyone else has a miserable one. These are 5 things I find enjoyable.

..... but what's your windae got to do with it. That's just a list of things are unacceptable any time, any place, any where. For grumpy auld buggers like us it would be more challenging to find 5 things to list that we find acceptable.

Is that the same Alex McLeish who took the tainted silver pieces to work for the benefit of our bigoted, sectarian DOB neighbours ? The same Alex McLeish who was so pish in that job that he was handed his jotters ? The same Alex McLeish who has a P45 burning a hole in his trouser pocket ? Right enough, he's done well for a Neilsonian. You must all be very proud of him. Which is you favourite old school ? The old JNI currently a block of flats ? Or the old JNHS currently a pile of rubble in a landfill site ?

Obviously Andrew Neil had more political influence than (insert the name of a famous ex-John Neilsonian if you can think of one).

What's with the old black & white photo of a block of flats, Bongo ?

Jings Chingy, what a sentimantal old fool you were when you were young. Of course, my old secondary school is still exists out on the Glasgow Road. So many of the lesser secondaries with no noteworthy history have been demolished over the years.

Wullie's favourite.

Were any of our older members ever brave enough to visit the West End's roughest toughest-looking boozers of the late'60s / early'70s The Rosebud or The Fox Bar (later The Tartan Lounge I think) ?

1. Glorious sunshine day at Cappielow 2. Leading 3-0 at half-time at Cappielow 3. Winning 4-1 at Cappielow 4. Scott Walker's goal at Cappielow 5. Laughing at the Morton fans at the bus stop after the game at Cappielow

1. Roll it up and smack Paul Hartley on the napper really hard. 2. Set fire to it and stuff it through Paul Hartley's letterbox. 3. Shove a few more pages through that letterbox while the fire inside is catching properly. 4. Wrap a 'Bill Lees Special' in it and mail the package to Mr P Hartley, Tynecastle, Edinburgh. 5. Recycle it. Any other action would be irresponsible.

1. Fuji 2. Ilford 3. Agfa 4. Polaroid 5. Kodak

Nah it was Young.

He hated everyone and everyone hated him. A sadistic, humourless b*st*rd who has left thousands of Paisley youngsters psychologically scarred for life. He ruled that school by terror.

Hibs - U2's Vertigo. Bloody big stand.

Bill, Sad to relate that Mrs U's death notice appeared in The Herald 4 or 5 weeks ago.

1. The Nolans 2. Middle of the Road 3. Brotherhood of Man 4. The Wurzels 5. The Wombles p.s. These are not my choices, Reidy texted me from Spain to post this on his behalf.