buckfast crew Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 1.third goal yest 2.1st goal yest 3.2nd goal yest 4.Aberdeens goal against us last week 5.Celtics first goal against us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkL Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 12 years ago my cable man came round to fix the broken NTL box. He asked if I had ordered any pay-per-view. I told him no. He then flashed up a whole screen of the last ten pay-per-view items. You can imagine my red face when all ten of them were the Playboy channel You could have fried an egg on my face! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
North Sea Saint Posted August 29, 2006 Report Share Posted August 29, 2006 12 years ago my cable man came round to fix the broken NTL box. He asked if I had ordered any pay-per-view. I told him no. He then flashed up a whole screen of the last ten pay-per-view items. You can imagine my red face when all ten of them were the Playboy channel You could have fried an egg on my face! Ya durty baisturt should huv got in touch and I would huv got ye real porn off the rig Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdickloyal Posted September 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 Surely your username qualifies as number 4. Yes because Rothesay saint is really imaginative Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdickloyal Posted September 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 A few years back I was in Tenerife with my best mate. After the usual drunken night, falling back to the apartment around 08:00 hrs, I slept until mid morning deciding to make my way to the Pool to finish my sleep (and get a tan), thus leaving my friend alone and asleep in the apartment. After a couple of hours I gave up on the idea and returned to the apartment, only to find my mate pulling the head off of it furiously with his eyes closed. I slowly backed out of the apartment, re-entering a few seconds later having made lots of noise so that he wouldnt know that I had caught him. I kept my secret for the rest of that day, however that evening we were in Linekers bar and I was in the toilet having a pee pee. Just at that moment the DJ appeared beside me using the adjacent urinal and he struck up a conversation. Being drunk I decided to relay my earlier findings before returning to the bar and resumed my drinking/letching. The DJ returned to his station and made the following announcement "Do we have a Mr N*** ****** in da house. My mate shouts "thats me" and in front of a packed pub the DJ gets him to take to the stage. Once on the stage, with the whole pub paying attention, the DJ announces "Your mate caught you wanking today in the Alexander apartments". Ach it still makes me laugh anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chingford Posted September 26, 2006 Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 A few years back I was in Tenerife with my best mate. After the usual drunken night, falling back to the apartment around 08:00 hrs, I slept until mid morning deciding to make my way to the Pool to finish my sleep (and get a tan), thus leaving my friend alone and asleep in the apartment. After a couple of hours I gave up on the idea and returned to the apartment, only to find my mate pulling the head off of it furiously with his eyes closed. I slowly backed out of the apartment, re-entering a few seconds later having made lots of noise so that he wouldnt know that I had caught him. I kept my secret for the rest of that day, however that evening we were in Linekers bar and I was in the toilet having a pee pee. Just at that moment the DJ appeared beside me using the adjacent urinal and he struck up a conversation. Being drunk I decided to relay my earlier findings before returning to the bar and resumed my drinking/letching. The DJ returned to his station and made the following announcement "Do we have a Mr N*** ****** in da house. My mate shouts "thats me" and in front of a packed pub the DJ gets him to take to the stage. Once on the stage, with the whole pub paying attention, the DJ announces "Your mate caught you wanking today in the Alexander apartments". Ach it still makes me laugh anyway! Brilliant!!!!! Saving up those kinda things for later use is ALWAYS a winner. A girlfriend of mine was the most pretentious, snootiest, snobbiest (and also loveliest) of wimming I've ever known. At dawn one Sunday morning we were lying there in bed (in a big house I shared in London with 5 other guys and some other wimming). I was dozing: so was she. Suddenly a fart leaked out of her. A good one. I admired it silently - but she was too much of a lady to fart, and she lay there desperate, worried about me ripping the pish out of her. I dozed on, never having skipped a snore, making no comment. I could feel her relax - she'd got away with it. We got up. I never mentioned it. I knew she was pleased. On the QT, I told everyone else in the house about it. And as we sat around at breakfast... one of the lads mentioned hearing a fart at dawn, another also heard it, she was getting uncomfortable, one wummin said she smelt it and it came from our room. I got blamed. I denied all knowledge. We all stared at her - she had the most attractive big riddie I've ever seen! And she admitted it to huge cheers! She lives happily back up in Scotland now. Bridge of Roy. Still lovely still thinks she's posh - and she probably is, now. And hasn't farted since that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Lees Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 And hasn't farted since that day. Has she had the same surgery as the Queen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSS Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 Has she had the same surgery as the Queen? You mean a fartarectomy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wayne F Yersell Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 Ur aw yoo shameles bassas that poked that hyghland bint no embaraassed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkL Posted September 29, 2006 Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 (edited) Many moons ago Saints travelled to the hell hole that was Boghead in Dumbarton. It was the usual -15 degrees and the game was horrific. Ex-Saint Chic Charnley was playing for the Sons and was over taking a corner. I was no more than 2 yards away from the fat ginger bassa. I decided to tell him he was past it and was over the hill. So I screamed into his ear "Oi Charnley you're over the heap!!!" ???????????????? He burst out laughing and said "whit the feck does that mean" My reponse was the warm everyone up with my huge beamer. Edited September 29, 2006 by MarkL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdickloyal Posted September 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 Many moons ago Saints travelled to the hell hole that was Boghead in Dumbarton. It was the usual -15 degrees and the game was horrific. Ex-Saint Chic Charnley was playing for the Sons and was over taking a corner. I was no more than 2 yards away from the fat ginger bassa. I decided to tell him he was past it and was over the hill. So I screamed into his ear "Oi Charnley you're over the heap!!!" ???????????????? He burst out laughing and said "whit the feck does that mean" My reponse was the warm everyone up with my huge beamer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sideshow Posted September 29, 2006 Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 I got soaked today, so I put my trousers in the washing machine, started it up and then realised that I've just left £230 in the pocket. The missus left today for Amsterdam, she's coming back on Tuesday, I wonder if there will be a house left for her to come back to. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfast crew Posted October 1, 2006 Report Share Posted October 1, 2006 A few years back I was in Tenerife with my best mate. After the usual drunken night, falling back to the apartment around 08:00 hrs, I slept until mid morning deciding to make my way to the Pool to finish my sleep (and get a tan), thus leaving my friend alone and asleep in the apartment. After a couple of hours I gave up on the idea and returned to the apartment, only to find my mate pulling the head off of it furiously with his eyes closed. I slowly backed out of the apartment, re-entering a few seconds later having made lots of noise so that he wouldn't know that I had caught him. I kept my secret for the rest of that day, however that evening we were in Linekers bar and I was in the toilet having a pee pee. Just at that moment the DJ appeared beside me using the adjacent urinal and he struck up a conversation. Being drunk I decided to relay my earlier findings before returning to the bar and resumed my drinking/letching. The DJ returned to his station and made the following announcement "Do we have a Mr N*** ****** in da house. My mate shouts "thats me" and in front of a packed pub the DJ gets him to take to the stage. Once on the stage, with the whole pub paying attention, the DJ announces "Your mate caught you wanking today in the Alexander apartments". Ach it still makes me laugh anyway! A mate of mine owed me a few bob and he lived over the back from my mums.I was on the way home from hanging about up the town(11.30pm) and decided to see if he was in.I went up the lane at the side of his house but his room light was out,but the livingroom light was on,so i went over and peeked in the gap in the curtains only to see the c**t pulling the head off it to a porno.I rattled the window and laughed like f**k at him trying to get his tadger back in his pants.It was comedy gold.Anyway i bolted and he didn't know who it had been.Wasnt long before he was known as a wanker.He trys to deny it but he knows the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkL Posted October 2, 2006 Report Share Posted October 2, 2006 Not long ago I was in Paisley with two mates from work and one of the guys girlfriend. At the end of the evening with pizza's in hand we decided to go back to my mates flat and wait on the taxi. As we entered his living room he asked if we wanted to watch the footie on TV. As a joke a said to him "you better not have been watching filth earlier on" as we were in the company of a female. he replied "of course not" he obviously forgot what he had been doing earlier on that day as we were greeted to hardcore filth on screen. my mates bird quick as a flash replied "that must have been his finishing off bit" He was mortified Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Lees Posted October 3, 2006 Report Share Posted October 3, 2006 Hmmm. I can definitely see a theme developing here. An "I caught my mate having a wank" theme. Anybody going to admit to being caught? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendo Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 I was once caught in the middle of shagging my then girlfriend by her seven year old daughter. Quickest loss of an erection I've ever had. The wean spent the next three weeks blackmailing us so she wouldn't tell her dad, so she did quite well out of it A few weeks later, I was on some social work training pish where they were going on about how often children that social workers work with have witnessed sexual behaviour that they shouldn't have. I decided that was not the right moment for self-disclosure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendo Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 And there was also the time that the same girlfriend as mentioned above brought her bi-sexual pal back and suggested a 3some, but I didn't take them up on it cos I thought she was taking the piss. And cos I thought George McNeilage might have planted a camera somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendo Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 The bi-sexual pal was also female just in case there's any confusion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Lees Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 And there was also the time that the same girlfriend as mentioned above brought her bi-sexual pal back and suggested a 3some, but I didn't take them up on it cos I thought she was taking the piss. And cos I thought George McNeilage might have planted a camera somewhere. You passed up the chance of a threesome? Mind you, I've always thought one of them might be a bit difficult...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkL Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 I had just started seeing a really nice girl a few years back. I still stayed at home at this point. We were getting down and dirty on my couch at 3am one night when my mother walked into the room "Mark can you let the cat out...oops" It amazing how quick your boaby goes back into your body when that happens Obviously being a catholic boy my mother was upset Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sandman Posted October 13, 2006 Report Share Posted October 13, 2006 I had just started seeing a really nice girl a few years back. I still stayed at home at this point. We were getting down and dirty on my couch at 3am one night when my mother walked into the room "Mark can you let the cat out...oops" It amazing how quick your boaby goes back into your body when that happens Obviously being a catholic boy my mother was upset She clocked the Durex, did she.................? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkL Posted October 16, 2006 Report Share Posted October 16, 2006 I think my mother expected me and my brother to remain sexless until marriage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sandman Posted October 16, 2006 Report Share Posted October 16, 2006 I think my mother expected me and my brother to remain sexless until marriage Can catholic boys marry their brothers..............? How odd.............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Joe Posted October 16, 2006 Report Share Posted October 16, 2006 I was once caught in the middle of shagging my then girlfriend by her seven year old daughter. Quickest loss of an erection I've ever had. The wean spent the next three weeks blackmailing us so she wouldn't tell her dad, so she did quite well out of it A few weeks later, I was on some social work training pish where they were going on about how often children that social workers work with have witnessed sexual behaviour that they shouldn't have. I decided that was not the right moment for self-disclosure I shagged a clatty cow in johnstone castle, her wee boy was roaring and greetin so she just went and got him from the other room and put him on the bed beside us, and we were going at it that hard he bounced off the bed and on to the floor. Disgusting really I know, but a standing prick has no conscience Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sandman Posted October 16, 2006 Report Share Posted October 16, 2006 I shagged a clatty cow in johnstone castle, her wee boy was roaring and greetin so she just went and got him from the other room and put him on the bed beside us, and we were going at it that hard he bounced off the bed and on to the floor. Disgusting really I know, but a standing prick has no conscience You were doing it standing up on the bed in front of a wean...................!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.