Dirty Sanchez

In no particular order. 1. The friendly city tag. From where did this pish arise? Friendly unless you're an asylum seeker who's been given a free flat and money? 2. I'm from Glesga therefore I'm funny. cf Andy Cameron, Gerard Kelly (the worst actor in the history of the world),Elaine C Smith(I know),etc. 3. General begging. I've never seen a western country where there are so many different people looking to get your money off you. I used to walk from Central to Queen Street every day,and it became impossible to make the short trip without some c*nt harassing you for money,whether it be a spaced out Big Issue guy,a charity mugger or just a random street urchin. I read an article about the problem in the Evening Times once,and the writer just dismissed with 'Ooh the Glesga banter' type stuff. I used to find myself zig-zagging down the street to avoid all the c*nts. 4. The Barras. I went to the Barras a couple of years ago for the sole reason that it had been ages since I'd been,and I wondered what it would be like. It was only when I went that I realised why it had been so long since I'd last been there. A total f*cking Ned infested dump,right in the middle of a part of town that's an even bigger Ned infested dump. 5. River City. Fuxake ,it's bad enough having to listen to this kind of pish as part of your real life,never mind actually choosing to watch it on the telly as well. Is there a good reason why it's called River City anyway? Given that virtually every large settlement on the planet has a river running through it,hence the reason it became a large settlement in the first place.

A. No idea. B. At 'Insert>Date and Time' on MS Word there is an 'Update automatically' check-box that has to be cleared to stop the updates. I notice that Wordpad doesn't have this checkbox available,so the Works word processor might not either. However,Wordpad doesn't update automatically,so this suggests that the checkbox must be available in Works.

7.1 has been generating pop-ups warning that the product is being discontinued shortly. From the wording of those pop-ups I thought that the only option they were giving was to upgrade to the pay version. Fortunatley it seems that this is bollocks because the new 7.5 version is going to be free as well.

AVG isn't free anymore after February. Edit: No. Bin that idea. They've just worded it to make it look as though you need to upgrade to the pay version when,in fact,there's a new free version coming along.

Not a bad farter,all the same.

When Saints weren't in it I used to sign Neil Ardley and use him as Mark Yardley. Well,Ardley sounds a bit like Yardley in the commentary. Ardleeeyyy!

Wasn't Jose Quitongo white when we were last in it?

It's a pity if it is genuine (and it seems to be). I didn't even want to click the link incase I was rewarded with a trojan or something. It's probably better for fundraisers to contact the club direct,so they can run the rule over it and make things more official.

Mainly for the punani in his crowd.

Didn't he also dismiss the fuss that was being kicked up about the need for strict segregation when the old firm came to Love Street the last time we were in the SPL? The example of St.Johnstone happily giving up most of their ground to the old firm was cited,even though pissed off St.Johnstone fans were running a campaign against losing their season ticket seats to old firm fans at the very same time.

Looks like he's found his level. I notice that many of their games are played in front of fewer than 1000 fans,and that's in a country where attendances are booming.

Seasons in the Sun from the DVD on the Nirvana box set. Fuxake,it's almost as if the fecker was deliberately trying to make it as poignant as possible.

Yes,absolutely. I wanted to make it clear that it wasn't just a tits and arse film. So,rather than just say that the Greasey dancer's future missus was featured in full frontal nudity,I kept it fresh by stressing that she was available in the scud from all angles by including the phrase full frontal,but enclosing the back and side views within it. See what I've done there? The phrase 'front,back and side' also reminds you of the traditional 'short,back and sides' haircut,and if you see Kelly Preston's minge in this film,the phrase 'barber's floor' certainly springs to mind.

There's an eighties American college comedy that goes by the name 'Mischief'. It features John Travolta's missus,Kelly Preston, in full front,back and sidal nudity,when she was about 20. Highly recommended. I first saw it on video on a bus full of under 11 footballers (of which I was one). To be fair to the adults on the bus,they did tell us not to watch the dirty bits. Edit: A wee preview.

Fuxake,the b-side to the cup final single! 'B there or b square'. I thought it would be JLo and Ricky Martin.

System of a Down - Mezmerize,although I always feel that I should be about 18 years old to be listening to this kind of stuff.

To be fair,if there was one guy on the forum who knew what it meant,you were odds on.

There's a couple of mentions of Jimmy Page on here. Any interested parties might like to check out this interesting variation on the Physical Grafitti album cover. Click Here but not at your work.

Just noticed this. I didn't want to tempt fate until I actually had the ticket in my hands. A smooth and grateful handover ensued. I wonder how many people know the significance of the 'smell the glove' signature. I was once accused of having Celtic tendencies because of it. Nope,that's not it.

The one who's lifting up the white top used to do the rounds on e-mail. I don't know how it worked,but you could use your mouse to lift her top up. I might still have that file kicking around somewhere. I must have a look for it.

Picture it Loans. Annoying twat on the phone,arranging a loan,whilst fondling a football and,bizarrely,being filmed by his wife's camcorder. Fud. Fud. Fud. A nice sequel to the advert would be if someone stormed in with an AK47 and sprayed the room with bullets.

Yes,I guess Rodman wasn't the best example to use. I only used him because I happened to know his age. I don't know if he actually is a starfish trooper. I thought he just liked a bit of ambiguity,and you can usually guarantee that by turning up for the launch of your autobiography in womens' clothes. Another tabloid thing is using the word 'gate' to indicate a scandal. If it's derived from 'Watergate' then there's no logic to it bercause Watergate should then have been 'Watergate gate'.

The use of the word 'romp' to describe any shagging scenario is another one that only appears in newspapers. e.g for Angus Deayton: TV Deayton's Drug Fueled Romp Of course,it had to be prefixed with 'TV' to give any stragglers in their readership an extra clue about who the headline is referring to. Also,in the Celebrity Big Brother coverage I notice references to,'Gay Barrymore,53,...',but no,'heterosexual Rodman,44,..'

I've thought about that as the the only way it could be justified,e.g. one booking for deliberate handball and another for unsporting behaviour. I would have thought it unlikely that you could pick up two separate bookings for one offence. The only similar situation I can think of was when Kenny McDowall was sent off for sarcastically applauding the referee for giving him his first booking,but then,those were two very distinct offences. Not for a second did I think that Gallagher was in danger of a red card that night,and I'd doubt that there were many people who did. I've just never seen a precedent.

I also remember the next game at Somerset,when Ayr were blatently out to get him,culminating in Eddie eventually being stretchered off with a serious injury. The shower of f*cks were still greeting about the fact that Eddie should have been sent of for his basketball goal, i.e. he shouldn't have been on the park when he scored the real winner. The only problem with that is that punching the ball into the net isn't an offence that you can actually be sent off for. Stick to howking totties,lads. I'd love to know the real reason why Bone let him go. I hope it was a good one because Gallagher had a dynamite partnership with Basher at the time. Yet,Bone's comments made Eddie sound disposable and Bone talked of the great kids we had to replace him. It was Alex Bone he was talking about...