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The Funny As Feck Thread


shull
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Dark or milk.

Reminds me of a time I was through at a game in the east end of glasgow.

I had asked if it was OK to bring my son through and be able to sit and watch.

After the game the players and officials got some soup, sandwiches and biscuits.

One of the home team called my son over to get something as well.

So after he had had his soup and sandwiches same guy handed my son a white chocolate kitkat.

He's eating away at it as another player comes over and loudly shouts out about someone has taken his kitkat. Before my son could say anything the player explains its the only one he can eat so he knows when to stop before biting his fingers.

Everyone is in tears except my politically correct son who's now sitting with his mouth wide open with a startled expression only his nieve innocence of youth could do

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@faraway saint

Got this email today, I think it was meant for you.

 

NATWEST BANK PLC,
10 Southwark Street ,
London Bridge , London - UK
SE1 1TT
RC: 121878
Our Ref: NTB/WESTMIN/INTER-15
Your Ref: Affidavit: AFX 076GD7B24
Tell=+447451274125
Fax+448435643403

REF:- INSTRUCTION TO CREDIT YOUR ACCOUNT WITH THE SUM OF (US$10Million)

In the fight against corruption in the Banking system and in pursuit to re-build a good relationship with the British Government and the foreigners by the British Prime Minister. This is the second time we are notifying you about this said fund. After due vetting and evaluation of your file that was sent to us by the United Nations in conjunction with the world bank.

The British Government, World Bank and United Nation has approved a compensation payment of US$10,000,000.00 in your name which shall be transferred to your bank account through an online account, we will create an online bank in your name and you will transfer your funds by yourself through our online account. We chose to transfer your fund through online banking so that no Agency will notice or stop your fund.

You shall receive this compensation fund within 3 working days, if you comply with our instructions and adhere to our directives. We were meant to understand from our findings that you have been going through hard times by Paying a lot of charges to see to the release of your fund (US$10Million), this has been the handwork of some miscreant elements from that Country.

We advise that you stop further communication with any correspondence from any bank, or anywhere Concerning your funds as you will receive your funds from this bank if you follow our instruction.

Do not go through anybody again but through this Bank if you really want your fund.

Finally, you are advice to re-confirm these to us,
Your Full Name,
Contact address,
Occupation
Telephone and Fax Number for easy communication.

We need your second email gmail or hotmail for security and private reasons. Kindly reply to my private email below for urgent attention.

Yours sincerely,
Katie Murray
Group Chief Financial Officer
NatWest Bank, London United Kingdom.
My Private Email:  
[email protected]
WASAP ONLY: +441134590557
======================================

[email protected]

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37 minutes ago, Slarti said:

@faraway saint

Got this email today, I think it was meant for you.

 

NATWEST BANK PLC,
10 Southwark Street ,
London Bridge , London - UK
SE1 1TT
RC: 121878
Our Ref: NTB/WESTMIN/INTER-15
Your Ref: Affidavit: AFX 076GD7B24
Tell=+447451274125
Fax+448435643403

REF:- INSTRUCTION TO CREDIT YOUR ACCOUNT WITH THE SUM OF (US$10Million)

In the fight against corruption in the Banking system and in pursuit to re-build a good relationship with the British Government and the foreigners by the British Prime Minister. This is the second time we are notifying you about this said fund. After due vetting and evaluation of your file that was sent to us by the United Nations in conjunction with the world bank.

The British Government, World Bank and United Nation has approved a compensation payment of US$10,000,000.00 in your name which shall be transferred to your bank account through an online account, we will create an online bank in your name and you will transfer your funds by yourself through our online account. We chose to transfer your fund through online banking so that no Agency will notice or stop your fund.

You shall receive this compensation fund within 3 working days, if you comply with our instructions and adhere to our directives. We were meant to understand from our findings that you have been going through hard times by Paying a lot of charges to see to the release of your fund (US$10Million), this has been the handwork of some miscreant elements from that Country.

We advise that you stop further communication with any correspondence from any bank, or anywhere Concerning your funds as you will receive your funds from this bank if you follow our instruction.

Do not go through anybody again but through this Bank if you really want your fund.

Finally, you are advice to re-confirm these to us,
Your Full Name,
Contact address,
Occupation
Telephone and Fax Number for easy communication.

We need your second email gmail or hotmail for security and private reasons. Kindly reply to my private email below for urgent attention.

Yours sincerely,
Katie Murray
Group Chief Financial Officer
NatWest Bank, London United Kingdom.
My Private Email:  
[email protected]
WASAP ONLY: +441134590557
======================================

[email protected]

It's legit,  me and Katie are old friends. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
16 hours ago, shull said:

Aye, very very interesting, Lenny. :lol:

 

Maybe they are just smart enough to avoid paying silly prices to stay in squalor for a few days to hear mostly mediocre performers.

Or maybe I am just too old now......

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  • 4 weeks later...

Quite right the Hamilton dudes.

 

Four retired  Edinburgh men are walking down a street in Glasgow . They turn a corner and see a sign that says,

"Pensioners’ Bar - ALL drinks 20p".

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The barman says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a malt whisky. In no time the barman serves up four malt whiskies and says, "That'll be 80p please."

The four guys stare at the barman for a moment, then at each other.

They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 80p, finish their whiskies, and order another round.

Again, four excellent malt whiskies are produced, with the barman again saying, "That's 80p, please."

They pay, but their curiosity gets the better of them.

They've each had two malt whiskies and haven't even spent £2 yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can ye afford to serve malt whisky as good as ese for 20p apiece?"

"When I retired" the barman says,

" I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Euromillions Jackpot for £125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 20p. Wine, spirits, beer, it's all the same."

"Wow! that's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their whiskies, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the barman, 

"What's with them?"

The barman says, 

"They're pensioners from Hamilton......They're waiting for the Happy Hour.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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