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The Funny As Feck Thread

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I don't know if this counts but I found this funny. From Anneka Rice (her with the helicopter ass) on her radio show this morning. Folk were texting in with old phrases and sayings they used to hear. One woman came up with her granny's favourite. 'We all make mistakes', said the hedgehog climbing off the hairbrush.

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Two men were driving a truck around with a penguin.
A traffic cop noticed the penguin and stopped the truck
and told the driver to take bird to a zoo right away. The
next day, the same cop saw the same two men in the
same truck with the penguin again. He stopped them
and said, "Didn't I tell you guys to take this bird to a zoo
yesterday?" And the driver said "We did exactly that
officer! and today we're taking him to the pictures."

lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif

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It's the 'funny' thread not the 'fanny' thread tongue.png

His interview might be a classic if he tries to "speak our language".


An Aberdonian went to hospital as his wife was due to give birth.

Upon arriving the nurse met him and asked him to sit down. He was a bit worried but the nurse said to him, "Congratulations. Your wife has just given birth to quintuplets, five big baby boys".

I'm not surprised", said the Aberdonian, "I have a c*ck the size of a chimney"!

The nurse replied, "You best get that cleaned then,

They're all black"!!!!

Edited by stlucifer

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I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this fat, ugly woman came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kind'a cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches ...

I asked, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said, "Nah... She's pretty good lookin'..."
Cost me a busted tooth ...

I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip ... 

I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really," she said, pushing out her ample chest with a smile, "then go ahead and try."
After about thirty seconds of me fondling her breasts, the woman lost patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the groin. 

I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
"Good legs!" I said! The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Hell, yes! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me another 6 stitches ... 



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