Drew Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 I'm predictably enough referring to the manager's job, here. Aside from declining the offer, what are the first five things you would do if you were in the hot seat? Just a bit of fun, mind.... Here's my thoughts, for what they are worth - play a straightforward 4-4-2 when we are at home. No more fannying around and tinkering about. Back to basics; - no coloured boots. They irritate me intensely, and I would lay down a marker by instructing the players to wear black footwear only (a white stripe or three is acceptable); - rigorous fitness tests on a daily basis. Set a high bar, and if a player fell below it, he wouldn't make it into the match day squad. Fail it twice, and face a fine. Our players aren't fit enough, even the young lads who should be able to run all day are blowing out their arses after an hour; - instruct the players to shoot on sight. Got a sniff? Hit the f**king thing!; - finally, I would accept the inevitable call to manage Real Madrid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 No FFS from me. I agree wholeheartedly with Drew. I would add, no girly haircuts for players. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seaside Nipper Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 I'd check that the tesco club card , morrison match n more or Asda whatever card was fully loaded with the pre start loyalty award points. I mean if you cannae splurge the points on confectionary tins for the lads upon arrival, what's the point Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddieinEK Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 I'd start with one to one supervision meetings with all employees to find out why they are performing well below their potential and agree a plan to improve on that. Anyone who didn't buy into the way forward would not just be dropped.. but put out on loan, sold or released... negativity is a cancer that has pervaded our dressing room for years and cost good men like Danny Lennon their job. I would work on stamina training as a priority... rewarding players as and when they meet my high targets! I'd get a respected knowledgeable coach in as my number two. Tactics wise, like Drew I'd go back to basics... looking at attacking at speed and in packs... especially at home where I'd want to give the fans something to cheer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Pityme Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Four Point Plan 1. Change the whole ethos of every player, coaching staff, manager, backroom team, employees, supporters, board to one and only one objective regardless of who you are, what you do, how you do it, when you do it, where you do it..... ATTACK! If you are a forward, you attack every ball, every situation, to score or create. If you are a midfielder, ditto! If you are a defender, ditto! If you are a keeper,! Ditto If you are coaching staff, you attack every opportunity to improve, inspire, coach, support the playing squad! If you are the Manager, ditto! If you are backroom team, ditto If you are a club employee you attack every opportunity to make the club stronger, make money, save money, enhance reputation, add value. If you are a supporter you attack every opportunity to do what you can to support the club. If you are a board member you attack every opportunity that enables everyone above to be able to attack their objectives. You dont need points 2, 3 or 4..! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DougJamie Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Back to 1976 in a time machine. Black Curly hair wigs (sorry shull) , find a Copeland, Beckett, Fitzy, Stark, McGarvey and even Donald in Goal. Find a potential greatest manager on planet (oops that's me) Get our support back, and play without fear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 I'd stock up the booze cabinet cause it would be needed after every game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonny Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) Get a nice manager's coat so everyone knew I was the boss - maybe a fetching hat as well. Get another young coach in as the weather is minging to be outside - I would work from my cosy office. Bar all fans from Lanarkshire. Get some cheerleaders to look at as the football is shite. And if something related to playing was involved then send all the loans back to where they came from except Shankland. Edited November 23, 2015 by Sonny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluto Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Good shout, drew.... apart from your apparent shoe fetish... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Posted November 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Get a nice manager's coat so everyone knew I was the boss - maybe a fetching hat as well. Get another young coach in as the weather is minging to be outside - I would work from my cosy office. Bar all fans from Lanarkshire. Get some cheerleaders to look at as the football is shite. And if something related to playing was involved then send all the loans back to where they came from except Shankland. Would customers from Lanarkshire be allowed in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintargyll Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) I would order Mullen to change wings frequently during a game ( no hiding ) I would order Shankland "jumping" lessons I would fine every player who didnt control a simple pass he received I would order clangers to concentrate on his goal keeping duties and stop messing af**kinbout I would order a fifth order if i could think of one right now Edited November 23, 2015 by saintargyll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonny Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Would customers from Lanarkshire be allowed in? Naw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambiebud Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) Bar all fans from Lanarkshire What did I do? Edited November 23, 2015 by cambiebud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluto Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 I would order Mullen to change wings frequently during a game ( no hiding ) I would order Shankland "jumping" lessons I would fine every player who didnt control a simple pass he received I would order clangers to concentrate on his goal keeping duties and stop messing af**kinbout I would order a fifth order if i could think of one right now OK. I quite fancy a pint of Guinness, right now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shull Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 I'd stock up the booze cabinet cause it would be needed after every game.Any excuse Jakey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oaksoft Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Firstly, I would start by giving players their Sundays back. Sunday is for family. End of. Secondly, I'd go with BuddieinEK's suggestions of one-on-one meetings with every player from the top to the bottom. I'd do the same with every coach and every other member of the staff. At these one-to-one meetings I'd ask for input from absolutely everyone. The aim here would simply be to forget about teaching these people how to play football. That should be a given and it's what the coaches are there for. My job would be to create the environment necessary for success to thrive. A place where people wanted to come each day. Thirdly, I'd encourage blame-free constructive analysis of every match to see where players are not supporting each other as best as they could. Never mind the guy who passed to an opponent on the 6 yard line, what were his colleagues doing to help him in that moment of pressure? Fourthly, I'd advise them on boots. Coloured boots make a statement and that statement is "Billy Big Baws". You can get away with that at Real Madrid. In the Scotland, every opponent wants to get stuck into them to teach them a lesson. Don't give your opponent that ammunition. Fifthly, I'd impress upon them the idea of loud and constantly supportive and positive encouragement from everyone on the pitch for all of their team mates. Don't leave your team mate exposed at any ground. Get back and fight for him. We win or lose as a team. Nothing else matters. Most of that is probably obvious and is probably already being done but I'd add one more thing I would NEVER do. NEVER try to dominate your players. In this day and age it just pisses people off and makes them reluctant to work for you. Management is about leadership. Leadership is about the team being the most important thing - not the manager or the leader. Leave ego at the door. The ultimate sanction is being dropped and having to quit football. If that doesn't get a player fired up then shouting at him won't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barrhead saint Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) Firstly, I would start by giving players their Sundays back. Sunday is for family. End of. Secondly, I'd go with BuddieinEK's suggestions of one-on-one meetings with every player from the top to the bottom. I'd do the same with every coach and every other member of the staff. At these one-to-one meetings I'd ask for input from absolutely everyone. The aim here would simply be to forget about teaching these people how to play football. That should be a given and it's what the coaches are there for. My job would be to create the environment necessary for success to thrive. A place where people wanted to come each day. Thirdly, I'd encourage blame-free constructive analysis of every match to see where players are not supporting each other as best as they could. Never mind the guy who passed to an opponent on the 6 yard line, what were his colleagues doing to help him in that moment of pressure? Fourthly, I'd advise them on boots. Coloured boots make a statement and that statement is "Billy Big Baws". You can get away with that at Real Madrid. In the Scotland, every opponent wants to get stuck into them to teach them a lesson. Don't give your opponent that ammunition. Fifthly, I'd impress upon them the idea of loud and constantly supportive and positive encouragement from everyone on the pitch for all of their team mates. Don't leave your team mate exposed at any ground. Get back and fight for him. We win or lose as a team. Nothing else matters. Most of that is probably obvious and is probably already being done but I'd add one more thing I would NEVER do. NEVER try to dominate your players. In this day and age it just pisses people off and makes them reluctant to work for you. Management is about leadership. Leadership is about the team being the most important thing - not the manager or the leader. Leave ego at the door. The ultimate sanction is being dropped and having to quit football. If that doesn't get a player fired up then shouting at him won't do it. Edited November 23, 2015 by barrhead saint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barrhead saint Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) I couldn't agree more with the bit about coloured boots. When my 12 year old asked for orange boots he was told:- a) you need to be really good to be wearing them b ) every opposition forward will boot fcuk out you for wearing them Was then 'agreed' to buy black puma kings. Edited November 23, 2015 by barrhead saint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Dickson Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Naw. Thank f**k for that.....☺ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddieinEK Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) Firstly, I would start by giving players their Sundays back. Sunday is for family. End of. Secondly, I'd go with BuddieinEK's suggestions of one-on-one meetings with every player from the top to the bottom. I'd do the same with every coach and every other member of the staff. At these one-to-one meetings I'd ask for input from absolutely everyone. The aim here would simply be to forget about teaching these people how to play football. That should be a given and it's what the coaches are there for. My job would be to create the environment necessary for success to thrive. A place where people wanted to come each day. Thirdly, I'd encourage blame-free constructive analysis of every match to see where players are not supporting each other as best as they could. Never mind the guy who passed to an opponent on the 6 yard line, what were his colleagues doing to help him in that moment of pressure? Fourthly, I'd advise them on boots. Coloured boots make a statement and that statement is "Billy Big Baws". You can get away with that at Real Madrid. In the Scotland, every opponent wants to get stuck into them to teach them a lesson. Don't give your opponent that ammunition. Fifthly, I'd impress upon them the idea of loud and constantly supportive and positive encouragement from everyone on the pitch for all of their team mates. Don't leave your team mate exposed at any ground. Get back and fight for him. We win or lose as a team. Nothing else matters. Most of that is probably obvious and is probably already being done but I'd add one more thing I would NEVER do. NEVER try to dominate your players. In this day and age it just pisses people off and makes them reluctant to work for you. Management is about leadership. Leadership is about the team being the most important thing - not the manager or the leader. Leave ego at the door. The ultimate sanction is being dropped and having to quit football. If that doesn't get a player fired up then shouting at him won't do it. Amen. Spoken like someone with management experience rather than an internal promotee!!! Some top tips in there sir. ps... I said every "employee", not just player... I would want EVERY person at the club (and I include volunteers as employees) to have an input and feel a part of the road to success! Edited November 23, 2015 by BuddieinEK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddieinEK Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Re coloured boots... my dislike is at a much more basic level... should a foul be committed, it makes it far too easy to identify the culprit should he be one of our own! They also draw the eye amnd I am convinced can subconsciously play a part in some offside decisions by making the player too noticable! Back to Black... the great Prophetess Amy was right! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Pityme Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 It is slightly amusing that posters of a certain age are hung up about the colour of football boots. Next you'll be telling the youth team to 'get a haircut' and 'stop slouching'. They are only boots and i couldnt give a flying f**k if they played yankee doodle dandy, just as long as certain players actually got them dirty every now and then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddieinEK Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 It is slightly amusing that posters of a certain age are hung up about the colour of football boots. Next you'll be telling the youth team to 'get a haircut' and 'stop slouching'. They are only boots and i couldnt give a flying f**k if they played yankee doodle dandy, just as long as certain players actually got them dirty every now and then! Far from "hung up"... but I genuinely believe there is potential at our level for players to disadvantage themselves by draeing attention too easily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Any excuse Jakey. You have to agree it's a great excuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Pityme Posted November 23, 2015 Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Far from "hung up"... but I genuinely believe there is potential at our level for players to disadvantage themselves by draeing attention too easily. Why not bring back the old wooden boots too? Maybe they would make our players better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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